


The Mass Effect Story

by nda38189



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: First Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Timelines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-12 05:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nda38189/pseuds/nda38189
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the year 2148, explorers on Mars discovered the remains of an ancient spacefaring civilization. In the decades that followed, these mysterious artifacts revealed startling new technologies, enabling travel to the furthest stars. The basis for this incredible technology was a force that controlled the very fabric of space and time.</p>
<p>The called it the greatest discovery in human history.</p>
<p>The civilizations of the galaxy call it…Mass Effect.</p>
<p>This story follows Commander John Shepard and Kaidan Alenko as they set out to save the galaxy and, in turn, find each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Biotic

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to write up the Mass Effect stories as they were played from the games with a few minor edits. This can turn into something very long, which is cool since I've been bored lately, but basically I'm trying to write out the entire game with a Kaidan/MaleShep romance across all three games. The stories will be from Kaidan AND John Shepard's points of view, so it will follow both together (in the first game), separate (in the second game), and together (in the third game and a little after, hopefully). If this sounds kind of interesting let me know. Also if it sucks let me know that too so I can try and make it better.
> 
> Again, this is my first attempt at writing something here. I'm trying to write what the games explained exactly to the best of my ability, with, of course, some added parts (but not too many in the beginning of the first game - I will add more "off scene" stuff as it progresses).
> 
> I'll add chapters when I can - hopefully fairly frequently.

“You want some company son?”

Kaidan was alone outside, leaning over the railing on the balcony at home and watching the night sky. Gazing over the English Bay was his favorite place to be – it truly made him feel relaxed, at home. He continued to stare up at the stars as he told his father, “Sure…”

His father handed Kaidan a freshly opened bottle of Canadian lager and continued to drink his own bottle as he stood next to his son in the cool Vancouver summer night. The night was clear and the view over the English Bay from the Alenko house was as beautiful as ever. Kaidan’s dad knew this was his son’s favorite place to think things through whenever he was upset about something. The year was 2168 and Kaidan was still only a mere boy at the age of 17.

Kaidan had been home for about a month now. His father could sense that his son was still distressed over the incident at Jump Zero, at BAaT (or the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training program, or, as Kaidan and his peers preferred to call it, Brain Camp). There were no words his father could possibly say to make Kaidan feel better, though he tried numerous times. After standing with his son for a few minutes, the only words that were able to escape his father’s lips were, “You know, son, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.”

“Dad-”

“No, seriously son, you shouldn’t. You did what you thought was right, and sometimes, even the right choices have consequences…” 

“Yeah, well, unfortunately there may not be another opportunity for me. I mean I not only royally screwed up my BAaT opportunity – I killed a man dad!” _And ruined my friendship with Rahna, the only girl I could think about for what felt like forever_ , he thought, but didn’t say this part aloud.

“Kaidan, you’ll find a new opportunity that you are going to thrive in. Look at me – I found the Alliance, and enlisting with them really changed my life for the better. Just think about it son.”

As his father stepped away from the railing, he spoke one last sentiment to his son. “And I promise you, no matter what you choose, that this next adventure will be even bigger and better than you can ever anticipate.” And with one last swig of his beer, his father retired for the night, leaving Kaidan to nothing but his thoughts.

Jump Zero seemed like it was an eternity ago, yet at the same time seemed like he was last there yesterday. As a student undergoing BAaT, he couldn’t have asked for “Brain Camp” to come to an end sooner. Conatix Industries, the company responsible for running the program, convinced the Alliance that it functioned to serve as an evaluation of the students’ abilities so an understanding of biotics could be compiled. Since humans had little understanding of biotics when the program was started in 2160, the bigger priority for the Alliance was assuring that students didn’t break their own limbs. In order to compensate for the slow progress that BAaT was making, Conatix Industries moved to hire the help of several biotic turian mercenaries. Commander Vyrnnus was the most notable one – a turian who hated humans. He still hated them from when they were involved in the First Contact War.

Kaidan returned the hate to Commander Vyrnnus – he hated him with every fiber of his existence. Vyrnnus was not only a terrible teacher but he was a cruel man as well, using hunger and thirst as training incentives. Several of the students snapped under his regime; a few of them even died. There was no limit to the cruelty of this man, and Kaidan Alenko knew this from the first day of training.

Kaidan recalled the first time he met Vyrnnus. “I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father” he told Kaidan.

“But sir, my father wasn’t even in the war” Kaidan replied. He immediately recognized the look of utter hate on Vyrnnus’ face, which foreshadowed a difficult journey for Kaidan at BAaT.

Although Kaidan always excelled with his biotic abilities, BAaT did not suit everyone equally. Rahna was a girl around Kaidan’s age who was friends with basically everyone in the program. There wasn’t a bad bone in her body. She enjoyed the company of her fellow biotics and always found a way to brighten Kaidan’s day. They were dorm buddies since they settled into the program and possibly found a little more than a close friendship between each other. There were many nights that Kaidan and Rahna would stay up later than curfew to see each other, talk about their days, and comfort each other when the other was stressed or homesick. She was the one person that Kaidan confided in and trusted, and he began to develop feelings for her that were more than just friends. She made his days at BAaT bearable.

It wasn’t until 2168, though, that Kaidan’s life would forever change.

Kaidan and Rahna were sitting together in a hallway, just waiting for curfew to come around, when Shelby, a mutual friend to both, found them.

“Hey, you two, you won’t believe what I was able to rig up!” she whispered enthusiastically.  
“A boyfriend for yourself?” teased Rahna.

“Very funny! It’s a transmitter that can send messages to earth. Imagine – we can finally talk to our families! Tell them about this awful place” the tone in Shelby’s voice was of pure ecstasy.

“Really?!” Kaidan responded, already ecstatic at the opportunity to talk to his parents again, even if it was only a one way conversation. BAaT prohibited biotics from conversing with their families at home, in an effort to keep students “focused on their challenges at hand”, which always rubbed Kaidan the wrong way.

“Don’t you think that’s a little too dangerous to even attempt?” whispered Rahna, the usual fear of being caught by Vyrnnus overcoming her. Plus, knowing her parents they would just rat her out anyway.

“Not if Vyrnnus never finds out!” replied Shelby.

Kaidan was more than eager to try out the transmitter as he sent a friendly message to this parents. Rahna, on the other hand, refused to even try.

The next day, while waiting in line for water rations at meal break, Kaidan asked Rahna why she didn’t even try to send her family a message with the makeshift transmitter. Rahna explained that her parents would only report her to Vyrnnus and her brother was nowhere to be found. Kaidan tried to comfort her by stating that the makeshift transmitter didn’t even work (though he was sure it did) when Vyrnnus began to order the cadets to assemble in the training room. ASAP.

Upon entering the training room Kaidan couldn’t believe what he was witnessing. Shelby was tied to a post with the makeshift transmitter laying on the floor in front of her. Blocks were laying in a huge pile in front of the transmitter. As Vyrnnus lectured the students about how they were wasting their education and wondering aloud if this transmitter was a joke, he stared at Kaidan in particular for an answer. Kaidan always got the heat from Vyrnnus but didn’t mind taking it – he was strong after all, and didn’t mind proving that to his fellow cadets, especially Rahna. Vyrnnus opened up the floor to confessions form any students that knew what Shelby was doing the night before. When no one came forward with any information, he continued to explain why the blocks were there.

The students were forced to move the blocks with their biotic abilities for hours upon hours that afternoon. Kaidan could tell Rahna was close to collapsing from exhaustion. Being the gentleman that he was, Kaidan decided to help her as her block almost fell, hoping that Vyrnnus would not notice. He did notice though. After complimenting Kaidan on his ability to catch Rahna’s block with only a quick reflex, Vyrnnus proceeded to taunt Rahna with a glass of water biotically floating next to her. Since neither Kaidan nor Rahna were able to get their water rations for the afternoon prior to this “emergency” training, Rahna was particularly weak and thirsty.

“Rahna, don’t grab it…” Kaidan started to cry out, but realized as she reached for the glass that his warning was too late.

Vyrnnus immediately proceeded to biotically break her arm. “Pathetic” he muttered as he stared at Rahna screaming in pain.

Kaidan immediately lost control. He couldn’t control his anger at this point. Witnessing this girl, the girl he liked and his best friend, get hurt was too much to handle. He lit up in a blue flash and let out an enormous biotic rage that flung the turian backwards. Unfortunately for Kaidan this did not sit too well with Vyrnnus. As soon as Vyrnnus regained his composure he began to engage Kaidan in a biotic duel, while Kaidan simply employed defensive measures.

Everything happened so fast that Kaidan couldn’t even remember how it went down. All he remembers is that Vyrnnus drew a knife and slashed Kaidan’s right side, making Kaidan even angrier than he was before. Kaidan lost control one more time as he let out another biotic blast before jump kicking Vyrnnus’ head while he was down. He needed to make sure Vyrnnus understood that he couldn’t keep abusing Rahna or Kaidan like this.

As Kaidan’s anger began to subside slightly he noticed the horrible looks he received from the other students. His heart was racing and sweat dripping from his head as he realized he was shaking and just staring over at Vyrnnus. It took him a few moments to realize that his last outburst led to the turian’s neck breaking. His anger swiftly turned to horror as he realized his instructor lie dying on the floor in front of him. There was nothing to be done as Vyrnnus breathed his last breath and was no more.

Kaidan immediately went to Rahna to ensure she was okay, but she was too scared to be near him. She pushed him away and ran out of the room, tears streaming from her face. Kaidan realized the severity of his actions as she left the room, knowing now that he just fucked up to the point of no return.

With the death of Vyrnnus Kaidan was relieved from training and instructed to return home. On the day of his departure he begged the guards for one last moment to bid Rahna goodbye. Although the guards did not want to grant him this wish he was surprised to see Rahna approaching him on her own. 

“So you’re leaving now?” she asked him as he just stared into her eyes apologetically. Those big, beautiful green eyes.

“Yeah, I am…” replied Kaidan, as he stared at her for another few seconds before continuing. “Look, Rahna, I’m so sorry for what I did, I just couldn’t sit there and watch Vyrnnus be cruel to you. It was fucking killing me to see him hurt you like he did-”

“I understand why you felt like you needed to help, but killing him? That was too far Kaidan, even for you...”

“He deserved to die for what he did to you. Even the administrators agreed, or else they would have helped him when he was still able to recover instead of just staring at him from the doorway.”

“Killing him didn’t make things right Kaidan, and nothing you say will make me think otherwise. I guess I owe you an apology for being too much of a pussy to stand up for myself then?”

“Rahna, please-”

“I’m sorry Kaidan, as much as I appreciate what you tried to do for me, I don’t think I can ever look at you the same way after watching you kill someone, out of pure anger. Good luck with everything.”

And with that last statement, the guards began to hustle Kaidan as they were becoming impatient with his long goodbye. He tried to convince them to stay a few extra moments, to finish his conversation with Rahna, tears rushing down his face; however, as he glanced in Rahna’s direction he noticed her waving goodbye and walking away from him. He couldn’t believe this was how his relationship with her would end, and it would be the last time he ever saw Rahna.

Now, a month later, Kaidan just stood outside, on the balcony of his home in Vancouver, alone after his father left him with his favorite Canadian lager. As he watched an incoming ship in the sky the only thing Kaidan could do was smile as he thought _maybe he’s right_. And with that last thought he too retired for the night, hoping to find closure soon. 

It would take him another 5 years to finally find his niche, where, in 2173, he found himself enlisting to the Alliance military, making his father very proud...


	2. The Orphan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Again this is my first attempt at a story/second chapter and I'll be following the ME games fairly closely in the overall plot but will continue to try and add as many subplots that would've occurred off-scene from the main game. This chapter follows John Shepard's backstory a bit since I'm hoping to make this story from both John and Kaidan's perspectives. Let me know what you think of this chapter and if you like/don't like anything in particular. Thanks!)
> 
> John Shepard grew up as an orphan all his life. He never knew what it was like to grow up in a normal home, having lived on the streets most his life. Being a truly good person he decides to leave his criminal teenage life behind and joins the Alliance, changing his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's shorter than the last one (they'll get longer eventually lol). Let me know if you like it or think it needs some changing :) ...

_This line couldn’t be any fucking longer_ , John thought to himself as he stood in the back of the recruitment line. _I just want to join the Alliance already and get the hell out of here_.

The year was 2172 and John Shepard was finally 18 years old. Having grown up on the streets of New York (amongst other cities) he couldn’t wait to finally escape the life of petty crimes and underworld gangs that he knew too well. He may have only known life as a member of street gangs but John Shepard was not going to live out his life as a criminal. 

The earliest memories John could recall involved the orphanage back in Philadelphia. He never knew his parents but always wondered how they could give him up without ever coming back for him? Sure he had no idea if they were alive or dead - all he knew is that they left him in this hell. 

He suffered under the cruelest matron around and couldn’t recall a time he did not hate her. Between the harsh punishments for being late to his classes or for not properly making his bed, the matron was always particularly cruel to John. He never understood why she picked on him the most, but it was what it was and he couldn’t do anything about it. At least not until he was nine years old, when he decided to escape the orphanage life and try to make it on the streets of the city. As he ran from the jail he was forced to call home for as long as he could remember he grinned – he finally tasted freedom. And it tasted great!

At a young age John knew he was never meant for the streets. He was a strong kid who could easily look out for himself (as an orphan you often must be) but he had a heart of gold which always made it difficult for him to follow through with his crimes, regardless of how petty they were. He moved around a lot in order to keep himself alive and under the radar, but no matter where he ended up he always found trouble.

The worst incident was when he was involved in a robbery of a warehouse thought to house Alliance weapons. He was living in Baltimore at age 14 when he was part of what should have been a quick robbery of some weapons containers for the local gang leader. This was his chance to prove himself to the local gang to hopefully acquire some protection from them – and then hopefully they wouldn’t bother with him anymore. Since he was smaller than the older kids involved he was able to sneak past the security guards unobserved (which involved some air ducts, but whatever – better than sewers, he figured). He found the containers in the section he was told to look and quickly snatched them up to make a fast exit.

As he carried the containers away he was spotted by the security guards. He tried to make a quick run for it but slipped and accidentally slammed the containers on the floor. When the containers opened he immediately realized that they did not house the weapons as expected, but instead housed unstable element zero. As Shepard became exposed to the element zero he got up and ran out of the warehouse to only be arrested shortly after (the supporting gang members deserted him when they noticed he was in trouble – _typical jackasses_ , John thought). He was treated for his exposure and was informed that he now had permanent biotic inclination. He decided to ignore that after he learned he was physically ok and did everything to get out of the hospital/juvenile detention facility quickly. 

After being released from juvenile detention on a technicality and moving around to a few other cities, he finally ended up in New York at the age of 16.

While guarding a window of an apartment one night where some of John’s gang members broke into in order to make a quick and simple robbery, John noticed something (or someone) move on the other side of the alley. Hesitant to mention anything to the other gang members, worrying they might overreact to a simple noise, he proceeded to cross the alley quietly to investigate this disturbance. As he came upon a girl of around 15, shaking violently from fear that he may hurt her, John couldn’t do anything but stare into her eyes. She had these large green eyes (red and swollen from tears) and curly red hair. _Her freckles are adorable_ , John thought, _and she is definitely one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen_. All he wanted to do was calm her nerves – any way possible.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” whispered John. The girl just continued to stare at him, obviously still scared as tears streamed down her eyes. 

“Why are you just sitting in this alleyway anyway?” He couldn’t help but ask her while she continued to squat in silence. Then it dawned upon him. “You live in that apartment, don’t you?” She just nodded, and John couldn’t help but feel ashamed to be stealing from this girl and her family. He slowly took a few steps away from her when the other gang members must have finally noticed John’s absence.

“What did you find over there rookie?” one asked.

“Nothing,” John responded as he glared back at his friends, not wanting to jeopardize the safety of this girl.

“Bullshit, what’s over there kid?” asked another gang member.

“I told you nothing, now let’s finish this and get the hell out of here,” John was persistent enough that the other kids decided not to investigate further, or they just didn’t care. As John looked back toward the girl, he saw her scurrying away and disappearing down the street, and he figured he would never see her again.

It seemed like a simple enough encounter that should not have affected John so much, but he couldn’t erase the girl’s face from his mind. He thought she looked beautiful, sure, but the look she gave him was one of utter fear – and it was burnt into his eyes. Was this what he became? He escaped the orphanage 7 years ago to try and make a better life for himself, yet now he was no better than the matron he despised so much from his childhood, instilling fear in those around him. _This is it_ , John thought, _I can’t let this be my life anymore_.

From that day forward, John decided to change his life as soon as he could. He recalled that they found an Alliance medal that day from the house they robbed, meaning the girl’s father or mother was an Alliance soldier, which made him think it was a sign. Maybe seeing the girl of an Alliance officer meant he should join the Alliance to repent his life of crime? It made sense after all – he always did enjoy reading the space-faring stories where the hero saves the day and gets the pretty girl or handsome boy in the end (John would prefer either since he knew he felt attractions to both sexes). He decided to get tested (concerning his element zero exposure) and was detected at 17 years old as a biotic. He was fitted with L3 implants and was officially (in his mind at least) on his way to becoming an Alliance soldier. 

Now that John was finally approaching the front of the line he started to feel his nerves take over. He was worried the Alliance recruitment services would deny his enlistment over something stupid from his past. He was sure it wouldn’t matter, but nonetheless the nerves took over. This was his chance at a new life – the Alliance could offer him so much. He wanted nothing to ruin this opportunity. When it was finally his turn he approached the recruitment officer and was quite visibly shaken, of which the officer took immediate notice.

“Name?”

“John Shepard.”

“Date of Birth?”

“April 11, 2154.”

The officer gave a quick chuckle, hoping to calm John’s nerves a bit. “Couldn’t wait to enlist now could you? Happy birthday there kid.”

“Thanks, sir.” John already started to release some tension after hearing the officer chuckle. Maybe that was a sign things were going ok already?

“You’ve got nothing to worry about kid – enlistment is a fairly straightforward process. Plus, you’ll be regretting this decision sooner than you can imagine.” The officer just winked at him as they continued the process.

At the end of the day, John Shepard would become one of the newest recruits to the Alliance military (assuming the drug tests would come back positive, which he knew they would). He was excited to finally leave the sad world that he knew behind and to start fresh. He was going to be a good man – an Alliance soldier. Today was finally the new beginning he’s been dreaming about since childhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few chapters written and am altering them slowly before posting but FYI it will take me longer to post more chapters typically lol...


	3. The Staff Lieutenant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter summarizes Kaidan's early experiences in the Alliance military (boot camp up through his first few years of service). He also meets someone (not Shep yet lol).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a little bit of a short chapter, so sorry in advance for that! The next chapter will probably be short too, but I promise they'll get longer after a few more chapters! Again still new at this so not too comfortable writing chapters that are long just yet (sounds stupid but is justified somehow in my head haha).

Boot camp would be a refreshing change for Kaidan. Of course it’s difficult to go through and by no means is it an easy experience, but it was comforting to finally feel like he belonged somewhere. The early wakeup calls and sorry excuse for a decent meal were tolerable for Kaidan (though the hair cut was always something he needed to get used to, but luckily once was out he knew he could regrow it to the length he liked). He finally discovered what he wanted to do with his life and this was finally his chance to achieve it – to serve in the Alliance Navy.

Being a biotic, though, brought troubles from the start for Kaidan. He refused to further his biotic training after his experiences at BAaT and would not get an implant retrofit. He believed if he used his biotics then he would lose control like he did that day he killed Vyrnnus. Or maybe the Alliance would assign him to simple barrier responsibilities instead of soldier spots in the squad. He also believed that an implant retrofit would cause serious brain damage (there were definitely possible side effects to changing out the implants) or, even worse, would force him to utilize his biotics in the Alliance. He was determined to become a soldier without any biotic assistance and tried his best to hide his biotic abilities from his fellow marines. He would do anything to prevent another BAaT incident – to prevent another friend/colleague to look at him with the same fear Rahna shot him that day.

Kaidan learned how to handle weapons fairly quickly. His instructors were all impressed with his enthusiasm and work ethic; however, as is common with L2 implants, Kaidan had a difficult time managing his health issues with training. Severe migraines would appear out of nowhere and they typically left him very sensitive to bright lights and noise. They would render him almost non-functional at times when the pain was overwhelming, but luckily with a new course of pain killers he got a few weeks into boot camp he was able to at least function through the occasional migraine.

And as for friends Kaidan had none, or so he felt like it. Sure he hung out with the same group of guys and girls on a regular basis (there were about 5 of them total and they always played cards or just chatted before lights out). Anyone else would acknowledge that they were a group of friends who met through boot camp. But Kaidan liked to keep his distance, even if it was just in his mind. He always left a way out for himself to prevent him from getting too close to others. In his group of friends not one of them knew he was a biotic. This was something he learned to do after brain camp – after hurting the only person he ever cared about. 

Although this mentality always made Kaidan feel alone he didn’t mind it. He enjoyed the quiet time to himself and read a lot. He was diligent when it came to his studies and workout regimen so he was honest when he told his friends that he wanted to stay in and get work done instead of going out when they had leave. He was also the first to admit that he was a bit of a nerd and always tried to research and hone his decryption and electronic skills. His friends would tease him now and then but Kaidan was always who they turned to when they started to go through the academic training programs.

Regardless of the health challenges and social awkwardness Kaidan developed, however, he would come through on top. His squad leaders and officers knew he had excelled in boot camp and always expected more from him. The officers that knew about Kaidan’s biotic abilities were able to mandate that he meet with a biotic counselor to help him hone those skills to use in the field, regardless of Kaidan’s protests on the matter. With some extra side training (while not interfering with him completing missions) he was finally able to bring himself to use biotics again. 

When Kaidan finally agreed to start utilizing his biotics it only helped get him noticed more. Now that the higher-ranked staff knew he was skilled as a gunner and a biotic he was able to do multiple jobs on the field – a talent not shared by many. What also made him an easy choice on missions was the fact that Kaidan never complained. Having been raised by his military father he knew better than to complain over a chance to prove just how hard he’s been working. He would tackle any task with honor and pride, regardless of how shitty he thought it was. This enabled him to get multiple special commendations and promotions over the years of his service in the Alliance military.

Between all his missions he never stopped studying to be even better than he already was. Kaidan would spend most of his downtime studying more technological advances or honing some biotic skills (hoping this would, in turn, help ease his migraines). This left little time for him to maintain proper relationships. His friends from boot camp had all been dispersed across the galaxy at various bases and Kaidan didn’t try too hard in the dating field. The only people he contacted regularly were his parents.

Most of the dates he had been on throughout his early military career ended as quickly as they began. He would go out with a girl here or there and it would be a nice change of scenery from his lonely study sessions but with his social awkwardness and fear of getting too close he never really made it past a few dates. Sometimes his dates would turn into one-night stands, which were almost more welcomed since it meant he didn’t need to pursue anything further – though he never really enjoyed the meaningless sex. He had only ever really been out with about 10 girls total throughout the first 8 years of his career – and, again, none of them progressed to anything more than a few dates or meaningless sex. In the end he always decided his career was worth more to him than any girl he’d been with, and that was enough for Kaidan.

*****

Come 2181, his dating life would expand some more. Kaidan was forced to go on shore leave after a successful mission and another promotion (this time to 2nd Lieutenant). His ranking officers decided he deserved some time off and, knowing he wouldn’t request it, sent him back to earth for mandatory leave. His family was away for the week visiting the BC Interior (they had another home there as well) but Kaidan decided to get some alone time back at the Vancouver property. He went out for a beer at a new bar that was fairly close to where he lived.

Kaidan was sitting at the bar when another man stood next to him and grabbed the back of the barstool next to Kaidan’s stool. “This seat taken?” the man asks Kaidan.

“It’s all yours,” Kaidan responds, part of him annoyed that he needs to sit next to someone who could be looking for a conversation, but at the same point he felt a little comfortable with this guy – he didn’t mind if the man interrupted his alone time.

“I’m Josh, currently doing a residency here in Vancouver,” the guy decided to introduce himself. 

_Great – a talker_ , Kaidan thought. “I’m Kaidan. I’m in the Alliance but I’m home for some shore leave right now.”

“Awesome,” Josh responded, and Kaidan couldn’t help but notice the sparkle that flickered in Josh’s eyes as he stared intently at Kaidan. “You know, it’s customary of me to buy a drink for the military folks who I come across. Sort of my thank you for your service to humanity.” Kaidan couldn’t help but think that this guy was a huge dork, but the guy just smiled intently at Kaidan nonetheless.

“Well I’d be a terrible Canadian if I said no to a good lager, wouldn’t I?” Kaidan chuckled. _What are you doing?_ Kaidan couldn’t understand why he was going along with Josh’s generous offer. 

The two talked for quite some time and to Kaidan’s surprise he didn’t push him away as he had initially thought he would. They shared a decent number of laughs and quite a few beers. Kaidan was really starting to feel the alcohol about an hour and a half into their conversation – to the point where he laughed so hard at a comment Josh made that he fell off his chair. Josh could tell this was the point of no return and offered to walk Kaidan home. Luckily for Kaidan he didn’t live too far so the walk wouldn’t be too long.

Josh was a gentleman and left Kaidan that night feeling something he hadn’t felt in a while – comfortable. The two of them decided to meet up again and go out a few more times and it wasn’t until about the third time they went out that Kaidan realized he held more than just friendly feelings toward Josh. This was something new to Kaidan since he never did anything with another guy before (though he couldn’t deny the fact that he had thought about it before). Josh was not only attractive and studying to be a doctor but he was also a gentleman – he treated Kaidan very well each time they went out. Kaidan decided (after a lengthy thought process) to give Josh a real chance and the two started dating. Although Kaidan still had some reservations about this whole new relationship he decided it best to put his anxieties at ease and to just keep going with the flow. After all he did enjoy spending time with Josh – and the sex wasn’t bad either!

For Kaidan, it seemed that 2181 hadn’t been such a bad year after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be writing about John next - might take some time since if I don't finish it by tomorrow I probably won't get around to it until next week (I'm going away for work for the rest of the week so won't have a chance to write anything probably). Also I'll totally be writing some more detailed "hump scenes" haha but that will be saved for Shep and Kaidan later. Just a preference on my end to be honest lol...
> 
> Either way, as usual, please let me know what you think! :)


	4. The Lieutenant Commander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Shepard seems to become an Alliance brass favorite since boot camp - even if he doesn't want the associated fame. His rise to Lieutenant Commander with N7 designation is nothing short of a result of his hard work and sacrifices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's about John's experiences from boot camp up until he is promoted to Lieutenant Commander - a couple of years before he arrives on the Normandy SR1.

John had a rough start to his boot camp experience. Living on the streets all those years didn’t do much to help his discipline as he wasn’t used to answering to a higher authority. It wasn’t that he wanted to be disobedient – he was honestly one of the most grateful guys in the group for the opportunity to get out of poverty. He just wasn’t familiar with the necessary formalities required on a regular basis with respect to the Alliance officers. But nothing would stand in the way of John finally getting his chance to do something in life, so although it would take some weeks of adjustment he eventually settled in and even excelled among his peers.

From the start John decided to focus on his skills as a marine/soldier. He could man a pistol or shotgun better than anyone else in his training squad and he had a shot like a marksman. The training officers picked up on this and, although he had biotic inclination and was fitted with L3 implants, they focused much of his training on his combat skills with just a little training for his biotics.

John made friends fairly easily as he was a very easy person to get along with. He was always more than willing to help out his squad mates when it came to their training – even in the academic subjects (although he grew up on the streets he always made sure to be well read in whatever books he could pick out from used book stores). By the time boot camp had finished he had a group of men and women he would hang out with on a regular basis; unfortunately, after boot camp they all seemed to disperse within the Alliance and he wouldn’t remain close to any of them.

His first mission off planet was both invigorating and frightening. The mission itself was a very simple one and everything went as planned (which, John would find out later, is a _very_ rare occurrence). It was the first time, though, that he was able to leave Earth – to leave his home. He watched as the planet that he called home became a small, blue speck in the space sky before disappearing entirely. As they approached the Sol relay to be thrust into another solar system John couldn’t be more excited. _This_ , John thought, _is everything I expected!_

His next few missions were nothing short of difficult – they were missions that always seemed to have something go wrong. Luckily for John, though, each mission seemed to be successful and he was always willing to do whatever task was necessary to get the job done and save the most people. This was something consistently noticed by Alliance brass and he saw himself getting promotions fairly quickly over the years.

Although John worked hard for the Alliance he definitely had some down time to hone some skills and enjoy life. Over the first few years of his service he went out with many different men and women (after boot camp he came to terms with the fact that he was attracted to men as well as women) and wasn’t shy in the dating world. He could talk his way into almost anyone’s apartment (even if he was a terrible dancer) and although he didn’t hold onto any serious relationships (due to his passion for his career) he was able to satisfy any urges that he might have had over the years. His life seemed to have completely turned around for the better and he knew he owed it all to the opportunity to serve in the Alliance. 

*****

By 2176 John had already served for a few years and became a favorite to some of his higher-ranked officers. He always gave his missions his complete energy and attention and was never one to question the good judgment of his commanding officers. After a rough mission investigating some pirate activity near some remote colonies, John decided to cash in some well-deserved shore leave to explore Elysium in the Skyllian Verge. He heard stories of how beautiful and diverse it was (nearly half the population were alien races) and he was eager to see the colony first hand. He always held alien races in high respect and was curious to be in a human colony that held a higher percentage of non-human races.

Elysium was everything he imagined it to be – the high population, traffic, and trade culture really inspired John to explore as much as he could during his leave. He could never have expected, however, that a massive coalition of slavers, crime syndicates, and batarian warlords, led by Elanos Haliat, would attack the colony in hopes of wiping it out completely, especially while he was visiting on shore leave.

When the attack started John knew that the Alliance reinforcements would never make it to the colony in time to save everyone. Being the natural leader he was, John was able to rally a resistance force of civilians to help fight off the enemy for as long as possible. When the enemy broke through the colony’s defenses, however, and began to swarm into the colony, he knew the remaining colonists would have no chance of survival. He acted on instinct and risked his own life – single-handedly fighting off the enemy at the defense breach. He alone was able to repel the entire enemy attack and seal the breach long enough for Alliance reinforcements to arrive – against all odds. When the enemies finally dissipated John was recognized for his bravery and heroism. He didn’t just earn the Star of Terra from the Alliance fleet – he also earned their respect. The galaxy suddenly knew the name John Shepard – he was a hero.

Following the events on Elysium, John was immediately promoted to 2nd Lieutenant and invited to join the Interplanetary Combatives Training (ICT) program. This prestigious program was well respected within the Alliance military and the ultimate goal of the program was to have its recruits earn the coveted N7 designation. He knew this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not that John wanted the fame – he was always a modest man, even as a child. But he knew that with the N7 training he could be a much better asset to the Alliance and consequently a much better leader. He accepted the invitation and made his way to the Interplanetary Combatives Academy (sometimes known as “N-School” or “the villa” by its recruits).

N-School proved to be very challenging – much more than John was willing to admit. He was required to train for more than 20 hours per day at times as he led small combat teams through dangerous terrain with little sleep or food. He was able to handle the stress fairly well, though, and was awarded the designation of N1 and invited to return. Alliance brass was already pleased with his performance and recognized that he had huge potential to go far. John, on the other hand, continued to be modest over his abilities and just continued to work hard to prove that his superiors did not misplace their faith in him.

Over the next four years John earned the remaining designations (N2 through N6) as he completed subsequent courses that were often held off-planet. He recalled some challenging zero-G combat missions as well as combat diving as the most challenging parts of the training programs. But each time he came out on top – more so than the other recruits in the program. It was not common for recruits to pass all courses (it was an honor and highly respected to have just an N1 designation) – yet John was able to achieve N6 like it was nothing.

As an N6 he was expected to return to the field and complete actual combat experience in combat zones throughout the galaxy. The mission that would decide if he was to earn the coveted N7 designation was part of a retaliation effort against the Skyllian Blitz that John had so famously helped defend a few years ago. The Alliance decided to launch a major offensive against the moon of Torfan to destroy the criminal bases there (which were populated by mostly batarians – the same ones that attacked Elysium).

John knew he had to do well on this mission to even be considered for the N7 designation – but at the same point he didn’t want to do anything that would endanger more lives than necessary. He decided to lead a special ops team to infiltrate the enemy bases independently while the remaining Alliance forces led a full-on upfront attack. The goal for John’s squad was to dispose of the crime bosses which, in turn, would cause chaos among the batarian criminal organizations.

John infiltrated the scattered bases and tried his best to reason with each criminal leader to avoid having to kill each of them (instead offering them simple imprisonment). Unfortunately virtually all the leaders decided to try to kill John and his squad, though each failed in succession. There was only one batarian to offer his surrender and he was kept alive to be brought back to Alliance brass for questioning (with hopes that any other batarian terrorist locations could be discovered).

After the success on Torfan John was finally awarded the N7 designation. He was told that for his “admirable and effective” means of eliminating the enemy targets and even convincing one to surrender (potentially saving more human lives based on the information that prisoner provided) he was truly an elite officer and should be recognized as such. He was provided with some commemorative gifts (a black hoodie with the N7 designation, for example) as well as a promotion to Lieutenant Commander for his achievements thus far.

John Shepard was now a name known across the galaxy, even if John just wanted to blend in with everyone else. He never hid his past from the media but also made sure to keep his head low, trying to coast through the public’s attention. Things were going great for John and the only people who he could thank for it were the Alliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy - more to come soon!


	5. The Lieutenant's Transfer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan Alenko needs to make some changes in his life to better focus on his career. And when he does he can't help but feel he is rewarded greatly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a power outage at my office and me having nothing else to do with my time I was able to proof this chapter and get it posted (it was on my laptop haha). Just felt like telling you some useless information as to why I was able to get this chapter done quickly after the last one ;) .

Josh and Kaidan had been in a relationship for a little more than year now. By the end of the year in 2182, though, things were starting to be a little shaky between them. Josh was finishing up his residency soon and looking for a permanent position back on earth – in Vancouver specifically. He was always upset when Kaidan was away for lengthy missions with the Alliance but did a fairly good job at coping with it as he understood Kaidan’s job required the frequent excursions. Kaidan, on the other hand, enjoyed the breaks more than he was willing to admit. He started to feel slightly suffocated by Josh when they were together and they started to argue more often. Kaidan figured that it also didn’t help that they only saw each other once every few weeks.

After Kaidan was promoted to Staff Lieutenant he realized he would be away from Vancouver more often as he would be assigned to more important and time-consuming missions. He was now an officer of the Alliance and was slowly becoming higher up in rank. He needed to ensure he continued to work hard to prove his worth to Alliance brass and continue his rise up the military ladder. He knew Josh would not take the news of his promotion well even if it was a great achievement for Kaidan (more specifically his realization that Kaidan would be away more often). He would bring it up at their dinner date tonight, knowing that not only would this cause an argument but it could also mean the end of their relationship. And Kaidan would be lying if he said he wasn’t already thinking about ending the relationship anyway…

The restaurant for their date was their usual spot in Vancouver – a beautiful Italian restaurant that oversaw the English Bay, similar to the view Kaidan loved so much from the balcony of his parent’s home. While Kaidan was dressed in his formal Alliance blues he met Josh who was dressed in his casual yet elegant black attire. As Kaidan approached Josh, who was already waiting at their table, he couldn’t help but feel like Josh already knew what he was going to tell him.

“Hey there, you look great tonight,” Kaidan said as he approached Josh and gave him a quick kiss. Their kisses were cold lately, Kaidan felt, and figured if that wasn’t a sign that something needed to change then what else could be?

“Hey,” Josh said coldly as Kaidan sat down. The two ordered a drink each and their dinners fairly quickly (they knew what their favorite dishes were by this point) and the food came out quicker than usual. They talked about their days (Kaidan not mentioning anything about his news until after they finished eating, he decided) and tried to enjoy their meal as best as they could.

When they both were mostly finished with dinner Kaidan finally decided to tell Josh about his new promotion. He already forced himself to eat through most of his meal even though he felt sick to his stomach knowing that he would probably upset Josh.

“So, I found out some good news today at work,” Kaidan started as Josh simply looked up at him with eyes of a curious puppy.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Well, you know how I’m always working my ass off at work and that my higher-ups keep telling me I’m doing a great job, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Well,” _here it comes_ , he thought anxiously as he actually considered not going through with it before continuing, “I was just promoted to Staff Lieutenant!” Josh was just staring intently back at Kaidan, so Kaidan continued. “It’s an awesome accomplishment and apparently they didn’t promote too many guys this time around, so I’m one of the few that earned it.” John had that same blank stare as Kaidan continued again, “It also means I’ll be assigned more important missions for the Alliance and that I can be leading more teams than I’ve currently been doing.”

Josh continued to just stare at Kaidan for a few seconds before Kaidan finally had to continue talking to break the silence. “So yeah, it’s a pretty awesome promotion to achieve and I’m glad you’re thrilled.” He couldn’t help but make a snarky comment – Josh was really starting to piss him off now.

“Thrilled?” Josh asked, finally breaking his silence at the news. “Yes, Kaidan, I’m thrilled. Congratulations. It really is a huge deal.” Kaidan sensed the sarcastic tone in his response. Hell, even a blind and deaf person could’ve sensed the sarcastic tone in Josh’s last comment.

“Why are you upset now?” Kaidan knew the answer but felt like he needed to ask to allow Josh to speak for himself.

“Why?” he started, looking angry now. “ _Why_? Gee, I don’t know, Kaidan, maybe because I’m sort of sick of seeing you once every few weeks to begin with, and now that you’re promoted and being assigned to more missions it sounds like you’re going to be gone for longer than you already are. Maybe because if I have a boyfriend I’d like to actually see him frequently!”

“You knew that this was how a relationship would work between us from the start,” Kaidan responded, trying to stay calm himself.

“I know I knew that,” Josh responded, sounding less angry but more defeated as he spoke. “I just hoped that things would get better in time but I can’t see that happening unless we are near each other more often.”

There was a pause that lasted a few seconds. Finally Kaidan responded, “I don’t know what you want me to say to that…”

“I want you to say that you’re going to be here more often. Or maybe that you’re going to be ready to commit more than you seem like you are prepared for,” Josh sounded sad as he almost begged Kaidan to say what he wanted him to say.

“You know I can’t be here more often,” Kaidan said fairly coldly, but his heart was racing as he felt the anxiety of hurting someone he cared for build up inside him.

“I know that you won’t,” Josh responded harshly as he stared down into his nearly empty plate, implying Kaidan won’t choose him over his career.

That was the last straw for Kaidan. After all this time Josh should understand what the Alliance meant for Kaidan – for his family. Sure he never really opened up to Josh about too many details in their one year of dating: he never told Josh about all his negative experiences at Brain Camp, he never talked to Josh about Rahna – he told Josh just enough to make things work in the relationship but nothing more. He felt like he’d be judged too harshly for his past, just like he felt he was being judged now. Kaidan knew what he had to do, but the only thing that concerned him now was how to do it in the least painful way possible.

“Look, Josh,” he started as he stared directly at Josh, now fully aware that Josh was not going to look up from his plate again until after Kaidan finished speaking. “You know that my career means everything to me, and I know that yours means the world to you too. I can’t turn down this promotion and I know you don’t want me to do that either.” Josh remained silent as he played with the little bit of food left on his plate with his fork. “I don’t want to hurt you but I really don’t think we can keep trying to make this work if we both want to be able to sleep at night. You’re a great guy, Josh, you deserve someone better than me. Someone that can be here for you and who is looking to settle down and start a family now. I won’t be ready for that for a long time, and that isn’t fair to you.”

Kaidan knew this was a lot to digest for both of them. He also knew he wasn’t lying – Josh was looking to settle down sooner than Kaidan was. Josh just kept staring down at his plate as he asked with great disappointment, “So what does that mean?”

Kaidan took a deep breath before responding, “I think we need to end this relationship before either of us gets hurt anymore.”

Kaidan saw that this was killing Josh, and that really hurt Kaidan. He never wanted to hurt Josh and he knew that this was just making things worse. He felt even more socially awkward than he was just because he didn’t know how to make Josh feel better now.

He was glad when Josh finally spoke after a few more moments of silence as he thought things through in his head. “I think you’re right.”

Kaidan immediately felt a bit of relief take over. If Josh agreed it was the right thing to do than maybe this wouldn’t hurt as much. “I’m sorry Josh, I never meant to hurt you. I hope you know that.”

“I know, Kaidan, I know. But let’s face it – we’re at different phases in our lives. We can’t hide that simple truth anymore.”

“Agreed,” Kaidan said, wondering now if this is something Josh was thinking about for a while himself. “I know this is going to sound so cliché, but this doesn’t mean we can’t remain friends, right?”

Josh just chuckled a bit as he finally looked up at Kaidan. “I’d like that.” A small smile took over Josh’s face as he added, “You’re a great guy, Kaidan, and when you finally decide to stop being a hero and flying all over the galaxy you’re going to make someone very happy.”

Kaidan returned the smile. “You will too, Josh.” _That went better than expected_ , Kaidan thought. And, trying to diffuse the tension, he added, “Now after all this I think I need another beer!”

“I’ll drink to that,” Josh responded with a giggle. 

The rest of the night, though short, was enjoyable. He felt like he was with a good friend and realized that Josh was probably a better friend to him than he was a boyfriend. Kaidan felt relieved now that the whole situation was over. Sure he was sad that he just went through a breakup with a man he thought he might love, but the truth of the matter is that the relationship hadn’t been good for either of them for months. 

The night ended not too late and when they said their heartfelt goodbyes Kaidan knew he wouldn’t be in touch with Josh again for quite some time. Both men needed time to heal and the only way to do so would be to move on with each other’s lives and hope for the best. 

*****

The next few months went by fairly quickly and Kaidan felt the best that he could remember in a long time. He realized he was even more focused at work and knew it had to do with ending his relationship with Josh (as terrible as he thought that sounded it was the honest truth). The start of 2183 really gave him confidence that things were going great for him, even if he was alone at the moment. _Maybe I’m just wired to be alone_ , he would think at times, but tried not to dwell too much on those thoughts.

It was a wonderful surprise, then, when he was requested by Admiral Stephen Hackett to be reassigned to the SSV Normandy SR1 under the command of Captain David Anderson. Kaidan was one of the best in the Alliance’s eyes due to his numerous successful missions and his multiple promotions in a short amount of time. This and his dual soldier/biotic skills left him the perfect candidate. Kaidan would also be lying if he said he wasn’t excited about working on the Alliance’s most advanced ship in the fleet with one of the galaxy’s most well-known captains. This was a dream come true for Kaidan – and he was leaving the next day. 

His parents took the news well as his father was extremely proud of his son. His mother was already used to him being away for long periods of time so she knew this would be no different. He was able to get all his errands done in preparation for his new assignment and the next morning he left for the Normandy. When he got to the ship he was overwhelmed with excitement for this new phase of his life. He was ready to tackle anything that came his way.

Kaidan met the crew and immediately felt at home on the Normandy. He continued to keep his distance concerning personal matters, as usual, in order to “leave a way out” for himself (or so he always convinced himself in his thoughts). He did become friendly with the crew instantly though (as Staff Lieutenant you really need to be able to do that) and spent a lot of time up in the cockpit with the pilot, Joker (Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, whose nickname was Joker), while they were doing some training exercises. Joker was full of bad jokes but Kaidan enjoyed sitting copilot and helping out however possible, even though they were only doing some training missions to other planets and were not yet assigned any actual missions. 

When he wasn’t sitting with Joker he was usually at his work console, which was in the mess near the med bay. He figured the Alliance wanted him set up near the med bay since they probably wanted the onboard doctor, Dr. Chakwas, to be close by in case he had any episodes with his L2 implants. He knew he’d be fine but after meeting the doctor he figured it wasn’t a bad idea to be near a supply of readily available painkillers. She was a nice enough woman and he figured he’d get along with her quite well.

It seemed the Normandy was everything Kaidan expected it to be it – a true icon of the Alliance’s capabilities. And Kaidan couldn’t wait for the real work to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I'll be away for a few days I probably won't have time to post another chapter - but if I do I will try my best to get it done ;) . 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one!


	6. Humanity's Hero, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets his assignment to serve as XO of The Normandy SR1. Things seem like they're going great! It would seem they get even better when he meets his Staff Lieutenant...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John and Kaidan finally meet haha!
> 
> Also, even though this is a "Part 1" chapter, "Part 2" won't appear until later on (not the next chapter). Just thought I'd mention that in advance lol...

Three of the most powerful humans in the galaxy sat in the ambassador’s office on the Citadel. It was 2183 – there was a critical mission approaching and the team responsible for seeing this mission through was still being compiled. There were hopes that, depending on the success of this mission, humanity would have a greater role in the politics of the galaxy. This would be humanity’s greatest accomplishment in the galactic community to date – and the ambassador was _not_ going to lose this opportunity to prove humanity’s worth. He was determined to ensure that humanity earned the respect it deserved amongst the galactic races and earn a spot on the Citadel Council – at all costs.

“Well, what about Shepard?” Ambassador Udina finally asks the other two men in the room as he skims through the soldier’s datapad. “Earthborn…but no record of his family.”

“Doesn’t have one,” Captain Anderson replies, sounding as if he knows the man well even though he has only met him briefly. Like so many others he mostly knew of Shepard from the vids he’s watched and reports he’s read. “He was raised on the streets. Learned to look out for himself.”

“He proved himself during the Blitz,” added Admiral Stephen Hackett, recalling that chilling day when he feared the Alliance had lost the entire colony of Elysium. “Held off enemy forces on the ground until reinforcements arrived.”

“He’s the only reason Elysium is still standing,” declared Anderson proudly.

Udina glanced back at Shepard’s datapad before somberly adding, “We can’t question his courage.”

“Humanity needs a hero,” said Anderson, “and Shepard’s the best we’ve got.”

After a moment of silence and nodding in agreement at both men, Udina finally speaks, “I’ll make the call.”

*****

The Normandy was on Earth finishing its training exercises. The plan was to have the commander meet the rest of the crew while still on Earth prior to beginning the Normandy’s first mission. Anderson was already on his way back from the Citadel to meet with John prior to introducing him to the crew. John still couldn’t believe he was requested to take over as the executive officer (XO) aboard the SSV Normandy SR-1, serving under the well-known Captain David Anderson (whom he had only met briefly once or twice before). He was hand-picked to lead a mission to demonstrate humanity’s willingness to serve the galaxy, though he knew nothing of the mission details nor why he was chosen. He figured it was best to not question the reason why and to just go with the flow.

John anxiously waited for Captain Anderson in the debriefing room of the Alliance base in Vancouver. Although he’s been assigned to a multitude of ships and has been on a countless number of missions over the years there was something about this assignment that felt special. And it was making him a little nervous. Maybe after he met with Anderson again and figured out the details of the upcoming mission he would relax a little. _Man I wish that man would just get here already_ , was the only thought that kept appearing in John’s head as he stared down at his omnitool over and over again, hoping he had the right time.

When Anderson finally walked in John immediately stood up and saluted him. “At ease, Commander,” Anderson said calmly as he offered his hand for John to shake, which he accepted immediately.

“Thank you again for giving me this opportunity, sir,” John said to Anderson as they proceeded to sit down at the table in the room. It was a small room but could easily fit a group of officers preparing for an upcoming mission. The window in the room overlooked the main courtyard of the base where some soldiers were completing drills. 

“No need to thank me, Shepard, you’ve earned this.” Anderson shot John a slight smile. “We’ve been tracking your progress for quite some time and you’ve been doing exceptional work for the Alliance.”

“Thank you, sir. The Alliance was the best thing to happen to me.” John was sincere when he spoke this since he really couldn’t have enough appreciation for the way his life turned out after he joined the Alliance.

“I believe it, Commander,” Anderson replied as he began to look through a datapad that John just noticed he was carrying in his other hand. “You were an orphan raised on the streets here on Earth, correct?”

“Yes sir,” John replied, looking directly into Anderson’s eyes as he began to wonder what the captain would say next.

“It seems you had a rough life growing up – not everyone can say they’ve been as lucky as you to come through it all on the top,” Anderson continued, speaking proudly as if John was his own son.

“Thank you, sir,” John was starting to feel a little overwhelmed now. He knew where he came from and that he worked hard to get out of poverty but he didn’t like talking to everyone about it constantly. He felt like he’s spoken to more news outlets in the past few years then politicians have in their lifetime. _And,_ John thought, _if he brings up Elysium I would love to just punch-_

“And that stunt you pulled on Elysium years ago, saving all those colonists,” _Great_ , John thought, _not this fucking story again_. “You’re a goddamn hero, Shepard. And like me you’ve earned the N7 designation, an honorable rank indeed. You’re perfect for the job!”

John was starting to feel really uncomfortable with all this talk about himself, so he decides to attempt a change in topic and to refocus on the purpose of this meeting. “What exactly is our first mission, sir?”

Anderson chuckled a bit before responding. “Anxious to get started I see! Well, we’re going to Eden Prime for, well, just a routine mission,” as Anderson replied John could tell something else was going through his mind – as if he was lying to John. “Just want to get the crew up to speed and see how everyone works together. Do you know much about the ship you’ll be serving on?”

_Is he trying to change the topic too?_ John thought about it before deciding that it wasn’t his place to interrogate the captain. “Other than the fact that its name is The Normandy? No, sir.” John was being honest – he really hadn’t been told anything about the ship he would be serving on, nor had he heard much about it from anyone else.

“Well, she’s a joint project between the humans and the turians and was funded primarily by the Citadel Council,” Anderson began. “She’s a deep scout frigate that has state-of-the-art stealth technology powered by a prototype drive core – a very powerful one at that. Because of this she’s optimized for solo reconnaissance missions deep within unstable regions.” It sounded as if Anderson was reading from a textbook.

“Will we be overseeing a lot of reconnaissance missions in unstable regions?” John couldn’t help but ask.

“We’ll wait and see how we handle our first mission to Eden Prime. For now, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Let’s show you the ship, get on board, and meet the crew.”

They made their way to a nearby hanger bay. When they entered John saw the most amazing ship he’s ever set his eyes on – The SSV Normandy SR1. It wasn’t a particularly huge ship when compared to other ships he’s seen in the Alliance fleet but it was an engineering masterpiece and a work of art. He could tell it was Anderson’s pride and joy as the captain just grinned as he stared at the ship.

“She’s a beauty, am I right, Shepard?” Anderson asked as he continued to smile widely, eyes set on the Normandy.

“She’s something else, sir,” John said as he stared down the ship for another few seconds before the pair made their way toward the airlock.

Upon entering the ship John continued to be amazed. The Normandy really was the most advanced ship he has ever been on. The crew seemed like they were relaxing at their stations but as soon as they noticed the captain and new commander step in they immediately stood up and saluted the pair. John felt like he was in the most important position of his career in the Alliance to date – and he definitely didn’t want to disappoint.

“At ease, crew,” Anderson stated as the crew remained standing but relaxed slightly. Anderson seemed to be an easygoing guy to work for – not too keen on excessive formalities but respectful when the time called for it. Anderson began introducing John to the whole crew at once – at least the crew that were up in the CIC room. “Meet Commander John Shepard – the newest member of the Normandy. He is our new XO commander and we will give him the respect we give each and every member of this crew. He will be leading our ground teams on missions and it is our privilege to have him here with us. Anything you want to say, Commander?”

John didn’t realize he’d be put on the spot so quickly. “Yes, sir. I’m excited to have this opportunity to serve alongside each and every one of you. But first I would like to meet my fellow crew members individually.”

“All in due time, Shepard,” Anderson interrupted. “First, come with me to the conference room. Back to work, everyone.”

Anderson and John proceeded to the back of the ship – behind the galaxy map – and entered into the conference room. Once there Anderson gave him a quick description of key personnel: the pilot (Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, or Joker as he is more commonly referred to), Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Major Dr. Karin Chakwas, Navigator Charles Pressly, and Lieutenant Gregory Adams (the chief engineer). He then proceeded to call Lieutenant Alenko on the intercom to come meet the commander and have the staff lieutenant introduce him personally to the rest of the crew.

*****

Kaidan heard the commotion upstairs and figured the captain had arrived with the new commander – after all they were expecting him today. The crew had been told previously that Alliance brass were bringing in a special executive officer (XO): Commander John Shepard, hero of Elysium. Kaidan saw all the vids and news articles about Shepard and realized that the admiral wasn’t joking when he said they were recruiting the best crew possible for the Normandy. He figured the commander would probably be an arrogant, conceited prick, but as long as he did his job then what more could Kaidan possibly ask? 

“Lieutenant Alenko, meet me in the conference room immediately,” Anderson spoke over the comm to Kaidan, who was standing by his console in the mess.

“On my way, sir,” Kaidan replied as he started for the stairs, leaving his unfinished report on his console. He knew he was about to meet this famous Commander Shepard and didn’t know what to expect. The vids always showed him in full uniform – mask and all, like he was too good to be seen in person by humanity. He half expected to see some jackass blowhard who thinks he’s better than everyone else. With the amount of media time he received he wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

He entered the conference room and walked toward Anderson, who was facing toward Kaidan. Shepard was facing away from Kaidan – looking directly toward Anderson. He looks like an ass from the back, thought Kaidan.

Anderson noticed Kaidan’s entrance and immediately addressed him. “Ah, Lieutenant, I’d like you to meet Commander Shepard,” Anderson started as he slowly stepped around John to stand in between the two men.

And when John turned around Kaidan was speechless. The hero of Elysium looked nothing like he had imagined. He was in a casual uniform but it snuggled against his perfectly fit body. His skin was strong and rough as a soldier’s but he came across as a gentle man. His face was perfectly designed under his brown buzzed haircut as if he was a poster boy expertly created by the Alliance for advertisements. And his eyes – _wow!_ That was the only thought that could cross Kaidan’s mind. He had the most beautiful, intense blue eyes Kaidan had ever seen and he couldn’t help but get lost in them. They were a brilliant blue like the sky over Earth on a sunny mid-summer day. 

Meanwhile, John couldn’t complain about the man he turned around to meet. He proceeded to glance quickly at his staff lieutenant’s body who, like him, was wearing a well-fitted casual uniform that hugged every muscle in his body (his body did fit the typical man John preferred). His deep black hair was perfectly upright yet slightly frizzled and fit his handsomely strong face perfectly. John noticed the luscious lips only for a moment as he finally made eye contact with the lieutenant. His honey-brown eyes were mystifying and John couldn’t help but continue to stare into them, as if they were yearning for something from John’s own blue eyes…

It was as if time stood still while the two of them just stared into each other’s eyes. Although the silent staring contest felt like an eternity to each man, in reality it had only been a few seconds. John broke the silence first by extending his hand out to Kaidan. “Lieutenant Alenko, it’s great to meet you.”

Kaidan quickly awoke from his paralysis and proceeded to shake John’s extended hand. _His skin is surprisingly really soft,_ he thought to himself. “Glad to meet you as well, Commander.” He wasn’t sure but he thought he heard his voice crack. Though judging by the lack of expression on the other two men he assumed it must have been in his head.

John continued to stare intently into Kaidan’s honey-brown eyes while he ended the handshake. “Captain Anderson has told me a bit about you.”

“I hope all good things, sir,” Kaidan said, immediately regretting his poor attempt to get a smile out of John. Although when John did smile slightly, Kaidan thought to himself: _totally worth it!_

As he smiled at the lieutenant, John replied, “Of course, Lieutenant.”

“Well, I’ll let Lieutenant Alenko here show you around the rest of the ship and introduce you to the crew,” Anderson interrupted the men’s unknown love fest. “I’ve got a few calls to make to Alliance brass and let’s face it – Alenko knows the crew best.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” Kaidan answered.

“Thank you again, Captain,” John responded, nodding at Anderson.

“Anytime, Shepard.” Anderson stated as he returned John’s nod. And the two men left to meet the rest of the crew, though secretly to each man it felt like the only people worth meeting were each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed their love at first sight haha! I will try to write another chapter by the beginning of the week! :)


	7. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving Anderson in the conference room, Kaidan takes John around the Normandy SR1 to meet the crew. A bit more flirting later and it seems the two can't get each other out of their minds...

As they left the conference room they made their way toward the front of the ship. Kaidan decided the best plan of action would be to start from the cockpit and work their way down the ship. He led the way to Joker, though unable to keep his mind away from the handsome commander he just met. _What the hell is wrong with you,_ he kept thinking as they made their way to the cockpit. _He’s your superior! You’re acting like a fucking kid…_

John, on the other hand, couldn’t stop looking at Kaidan’s ass as they made their way toward the bow of the ship. _Are you kidding yourself John?_ He asked himself as he kept trying to move his eyes away from Kaidan’s perfectly shaped glutes…

Luckily they didn’t have too far to go until they made it to the pilot. “Commander, this is our pilot, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau.” Kaidan made sure to address the commander first to give Joker a hint that he was here with the new commander.

John looked at Jeff as he swung his chair around and looked directly at the commander, standing up very slowly. He went into full salute as he stood up. “Pleased to meet you, Commander.”

John returned the salute. “Likewise, lieutenant – now please, at ease.” John hated to have to go through formalities all the time. “Captain Anderson mentioned you go by the name of Joker?”

Joker immediately relaxed as he sat back down. “Yeah, that’s what everyone calls me. It’s a lot shorter than ‘Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau’. Plus, I love to make little children laugh.” John noticed that Joker said that last part very sarcastically, like a part of him wasn’t particularly proud of his nickname…

“I was just thinking about how much you remind me of Santa Claus,” John replied back with the same sense of sarcasm Joker gave him, but in a serious tone since he really wanted an answer. He also didn’t want Joker to think he could use jokes to avoid confronting any possible issues, especially with John as the new XO.

Joker immediately noticed the commander was not kidding around. “Look, I didn’t pick the name.” He sounded a little defeated as he spoke back to the commander. “One of the instructors in flight school used to bug me about never smiling. She started calling me Joker.”

“Why didn’t you ever smile?” John was interested in how a man who seemed so comedic (based on his first impression and what he heard from Anderson) could never smile.

Joker suddenly became defensive as he responded, “Hey, I worked my ass off in flight school, Commander. The world’s not gonna hand you anything if you go around grinning like an idiot. By the end of the year I was the best pilot in the academy – even better than the instructors and everybody knew it. They all got their asses kicked by the sickly kid with the creaky little legs.” Joker gave a soft chuckle. “One guess who was smiling at graduation.”

John and Joker continued talking – especially since Joker just accidentally told John that he had some sort of illness. As the two talked Kaidan just stood by and observed. He was impressed with how genuinely interested John was in Joker’s life – and how he easily got Joker to open up a little about his personal life. He wasn’t asking questions for the sake of asking – he was really interested in getting to know Joker better. Joker returned he gesture by answering his questions but not getting angry for asking. He seemed like he already respected the commander and they only just met. This confused Kaidan at first since his initial impression was that John must be a stuck-up prick based upon his history in the Alliance. But maybe he was wrong about the commander…

“Well, I should get back to work, Commander,” Joker said, snapping Kaidan out of his thoughts and back into the conversation in front of him that was about to end. “Got a few more tests to run before our mission to Eden Prime.”

“Sure thing, Joker. Keep up the good work.” John didn’t even know that the first mission was to Eden Prime. He figured the rest of the crew was probably informed of some details of the mission prior to his arrival – after all, they had been training for a few weeks now. But he decided to let it slide as he turned and looked toward Kaidan. “So, where to next, Lieutenant?”

The pair made their way through the entire first level of the ship. John met every single crew member and talked to each for at least 5-10 minutes. Kaidan was getting exhausted from this longer-than-expected tour as they left Navigator Pressly to make their way downstairs. _We still have the next two floors to do!_ Kaidan was looking forward to this whole ordeal being over at this point. Luckily there weren’t too many people on the next two floors, but there were still more people nonetheless…

“So this is the mess,” Kaidan said as the pair made their way past the elevators and into the now empty room. He didn’t realize how exhausted he sounded as he said the words. He was also glad that the room was empty – it meant this floor would go much quicker than he originally thought.

“You don’t say,” John said sarcastically, but with a slight smile that made Kaidan gain back a bit of energy.

Kaidan returned the smile with a small one of his own. “You can usually find me over there, near my console.” He pointed over to his console. _Why the hell would he care where you usually are!?_ Kaidan thought.

“It’ll be good to know where I can easily find you, Alenko,” John replied. He hoped Kaidan wouldn’t notice his subtle flirt since Kaidan was his subordinate and nothing could ever happen between the two of them anyway.

“Uh…thanks, sir,” Kaidan wasn’t sure how to respond to that last comment so decided to move on. “And over here is the med bay,” he continued, quickly continuing the tour as they made their way into the other room. “And this is Dr. Chakwas, Commander.”

The doctor turned and looked John straight into his big blue eyes as she put down the datapad she was looking through and walked toward the pair. “Good to meet you, Commander Shepard.”

Before they started the usual 5-10 minute conversation Kaidan decided to take a momentary leave. He _really_ needed to use the bathroom and had been holding in his sudden urge to relief himself in his pants since Shepard was going on with Talitha Draven about some sports team or something. “Commander, if you don’t mind I have to finish something up quickly at my console.” He decided the commander didn’t need to know the details of his bladder functions.

“Certainly, Kaid- I mean, Lieutenant.” John couldn’t believe he just almost called Kaidan by his first name without being that close with the Lieutenant. After all he’s spoken to everyone in depth expect Kaidan at this point.

“Kaidan is fine, sir,” Kaidan replied before walking toward the door, though he was unsure why he just told his commander to refer to him by his first name. “When you’re ready to meet the crew downstairs come grab me from my console.” Although he was shocked that the commander was already feeling so informal around him (not that it was a bad thing), he was hoping this tour would completely end soon since he did have some work to get done before they left for Eden Prime.

After watching Kaidan leave the room John immediately remembered he was here to meet Dr. Chakwas. He turned his attention to her as he began to ask her some questions about her experience in the Alliance. “So how did you end up serving on an Alliance ship?”

John could’ve sworn he saw the doctor smirk – like she knew he was just trying to focus attention away from the fact that she probably caught him staring with lust at Kaidan. But luckily she just replied to his question, making him assume she didn’t actually witness anything between Kaidan and him. “I enlisted right out of med school. Earth always seemed boring to me…too safe, too secure. I figured the colonies were teeming with exotic adventure. I wanted to travel the stars, tending the wounds of tough soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls.” She gave a soft chuckle as she continued, “Turns out military life isn’t quite as romantic as I’d imagined. But humanity needs the Alliance if we want to keep expanding through the Traverse, and the Alliance always needs good doctors. So I stayed on to do my part.”

“Ever think you made the wrong choice?” John asked bluntly.

“Sometimes I think about opening a private practice back on Earth, or maybe taking a position on one of the new med centers out in the colonies. But there’s something special about working on soldiers. If I left the Alliance now, I’d feel like I was abandoning them.”

John asked her next about Captain Anderson. He wanted to know what her opinions were of the leadership he was about to join. After they spoke about the captain for some time John couldn’t help but blurt out his next question before he was able to stop himself from asking it. “How well do you know the lieutenant?” 

She smiled slightly before answering, “I’ve never worked with him before this mission.” _Shit – now she must know that I’m interested in him._ “But he has an impressive service record. Over a dozen special commendations.” She pauses for a moment before continuing, looking slightly away from John, “Tends to keep to himself, though. Maybe because of the headaches. It’s not easy being an L2.”

“What does that have to do with it?” John asked almost defensively, as if he was protecting Kaidan’s reputation or something. _Relax, you idiot,_ he tells himself.

“Well, most biotics now use the L3 implants.” _Like me,_ John thinks to himself but does not disclose to the doctor. He was sure she was aware of his L3 implants from his dossier, and by now she was looking back through her datapad anyway, apparently a little distracted. “Lieutenant Alenko was wired with the old L2 configuration. Sometimes there are complications.”

“What kind of complications?” John realizes that even a deaf vorcha could sense the concern in his last question.

“Severe mental disabilities, insanity, crippling physical pain. There’s a long list of horrific side effects.” _Shit,_ John thought as the doctor finally looked up again from the datapad and looked directly into John’s eyes. “Kaidan’s lucky. He just gets migraines.” _Thank GOD!_

Realizing he’s asked more than enough questions about the lieutenant, he decides to make his way toward Kaidan to finish this tour before everyone on the ship notices his stupid teenage lust. “Thanks for your time, Doctor. I should go, though. Need to meet the rest of the crew before the end of the day.”

“Take care, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas says as she just smiles at John. He takes his leave and makes his way toward Kaidan.

Meanwhile, seeing his commander exit the med bay and come his way was enough to make Kaidan lose his cool like a love struck kid. He dropped his datapad as soon as John walked out the door (luckily John didn’t notice, so Kaidan played it cool as he made it look like he was checking something under his console when in reality he was picking up his dropped datapad).

“You ready, Lieutenant?” John asked as he approached the console.

“Sure thing, Commander,” Kaidan responded as he got up from under his console. The two then made their way to the elevator.

*****

After meeting the rest of the crew downstairs and showing John the final sections of the ship, Kaidan showed John to his quarters. “And this is your room, Commander. The Captain’s room is upstairs if you need to get in touch with him. Is there anything else you need, sir?”

“Yes, Lieutenant, please stop being so formal when it’s just the two of us,” John stated, staring intently into Kaidan’s beautiful brown eyes. John couldn’t stop thinking about all the qualities Kaidan had that he was so attracted to in their short time together – he was fit, handsome, courteous, and professional. Before waiting too long he decided to diffuse the tension between them by adding, “I like to be a little friendlier with my officers instead of just the asshole in charge.” 

Kaidan let out a soft (almost unnoticed) chuckle. “Certainly, sir-I mean, Shepard.” John smiled and winked at Kaidan. Kaidan noticed something – a sparkle maybe – in those handsome blue eyes as he just returned John’s stare.

“I’d like to learn more about you, Kaidan, but I feel like I’d be a drag now after this lengthy tour.” John was exhausted from the long day of introductions and didn’t want to be unfocused when talking with Kaidan. “Would you want to talk more after our first mission? I’m pretty sure Joker said we’d be leaving for Eden Prime soon.” 

“I’d like that, Commander,” Kaidan said as John looked directly into his eyes with a stern look. “I mean, I’d like that, Shepard.” John relaxed his face after Kaidan corrected himself. Kaidan would need to get used to being informal with his superior when it was just the two of them together. Not that he didn’t like the idea – he just wasn’t used to it.

“Thank you again, Kaidan. I look forward to working with you.” And with that John enters his room and the door closes behind him, leaving Kaidan in the hallway alone. 

It took Kaidan a minute before he could step away from the door awkwardly. He was glad no one else was around to witness him just staring at the door in awe. He couldn’t believe he was already feeling such a strong attraction toward his commander, but could you blame him? The man was not just a war hero, but a handsome one at that. A fit military soldier with a buzzed head, gorgeous blue eyes, and apparently an easy person to be around. Every one of the crew seemed to already think he was a great XO and he hasn’t even started yet. He thought for a second about how those gorgeous lips must taste as he slowly walked down the hallway, but then immediately flushed the thought from his mind. Nothing would ever come from his primitive lust as it was against regulation, and Kaidan Alenko was not one to break the rules of the Alliance.

Meanwhile, John stood still for a moment by the closed door behind him before proceeding to the bathroom to wash his face. _Why can’t I stop thinking about Kaidan?_ He was hoping the cold water would knock some sense into him as well as wake him up (he did have a long day so far). _He’s your subordinate and you just met him – there’s nothing special about him other than he’s a little attractive. That’s it!_ He decided to unpack his things since his one and only bag was placed on his bed waiting for him to go through it quickly. _Man I bet he’s pretty good in bed though...what the hell, John!?_ He needed to focus on the mission (though the only thing he knew about it was that it was taking place on Eden Prime, and he only knew that from Joker mentioning it briefly). He finally succumbed to his exhaustion and crashed on his bed to take a quick nap before meeting with Anderson again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Apparently this week everything at work decided to go wrong lol...so I apologize in advance for having to delay the next chapter until this weekend at the earliest (though in reality it'll probably be next week).


	8. A Spectre on Board the Normandy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Normandy makes its way toward Eden Prime, John finally learns what the Spectre, Nihlus, is doing on board as well as the actual mission details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things to note:
> 
> One, this chapter is almost identical to the game. I will definitely be adding plenty of off scene stuff later on, but this chapter (and others that will come eventually) serves as the "set up" for the story.
> 
> Two, work has been a disaster so I apologize for getting this out later than I had hoped. Most likely future chapters will take more time then I originally hoped for (work has been getting more and more busy), but I'll try my best not to rush them or anything to ensure they're not bad chapters haha!

John was walking toward the cockpit as he overheard Joker on the loudspeakers, “The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence.”

John was hurrying to the cockpit to witness the mass relay jump. Even though he’s been on countless off-world missions by now, he still enjoyed watching the ship be launched through space at speeds never imaginable less than a hundred years ago. He was in such a rush to get to the front that he nearly knocked over Corporal Jenkins on his way.

“Commander,” Corporal Jenkins muttered as he hurried away towards the rear of the ship.

“We are connected,” Joker added. “Calculating transit mass and destination.” After a moment he continued, “The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector.”

John could see everyone working diligently as he continued to make his way toward the cockpit. He assumed that everyone was working harder than usual due to the fact that a council Spectre, Nihlus, was on board. The Normandy just picked up Nihlus as he was to accompany the crew on their mission to Eden Prime. John didn’t know much about Spectres or their responsibilities in the galaxy except that they were handpicked by the council and they did not have to answer to any laws – they only answered to the council. Having one on board presented a good enough reason to be on edge for most, but John didn’t mind it so much. Nihlus seemed like a nice enough turian and didn’t present John any reasons to mistrust him. He only wished Anderson was more honest with him concerning the reason for NIhlus’ presence – he knew this mission to Eden Prime must be of more importance if a Spectre was on board…

“All stations secure for transit.” As John approached the cockpit he could already see that Nihlus was standing behind Joker, arms crossed as he watched the pilot work. Kaidan was manning the co-pilot seat next to Joker. He knew Kaidan was not a pilot, but from the very short time he spent with him during the crew introductions John recognized that the man was very intelligent and enjoyed assisting Joker whenever possible. _Man does Kaidan look sexy today_ , John couldn’t help but think as he stood behind the three of them, awkwardly glancing over at Kaidan. Kaidan had not noticed John’s arrival on the bridge as he diligently focused on the screens in front of him. 

“The board is green. Approach run has begun.”

John saw the familiar mass effect relay from the window. He always imagined that the relay looked like something from an Egyptian hieroglyphic or a huge eye – the inside of the eye a brilliant blue electric sphere.

“Hitting the relay in 3…2…1…” As the countdown completed the relay emitted what appeared to be a giant blue jolt of electricity that engulfed the entire ship. The ship began to accelerate to a faster-than-light speed as it shot off into the distant space, leaving nothing but a blue tail behind which dissolved quite quickly.

As the ship was hurtling through space, Joker began his post-jump systems’ analysis. “Thrusters…check. Navigation…check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift…just under 1500 K.”

“1500 is good,” chimed Nihlus. “You’re captain will be pleased.” With that last statement he walked back toward the rear of the ship, leaving Joker, Kaidan, and John in the cockpit.

“I hate that guy,” Joker mutters to Kaidan, loudly enough for John to hear too though.

Kaidan gives a slight chuckle before asking, “Nihlus gave you a compliment…so you hate him?”

“You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That’s good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit the target the size of a pinhead. So that’s incredible!” Joker pauses for a second before continuing, “Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don’t like having them on board. Call me paranoid.”

“You’re paranoid,” Kaidan states plainly, glancing slightly at Joker but never turning his head from the console as he continued to move his hands over the screens, subconsciously continuing his own post-jump analysis. “The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment.”

“Yeah, that is the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story.”

John finally decided to interject into their conversation. “They don’t send Spectres on shakedown runs.” 

Kaidan basically flinched when he heard John speak. He hadn’t noticed when John came onto the bridge and, although he was happy to see him, he always got a little nervous around him, hoping to not say anything stupid to embarrass himself. _What were we even just talking about?_

“So there’s more going on here than the captain’s letting on,” Joker remarks right before his communication link lets out a beep. 

“Joker! Status report.” Captain Anderson demands via the comm-link. Kaidan was more than relieved with the interruption.

“Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid.”

“Good,” the captain says proudly. “Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Joker, without thinking, then adds, “Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way.”

“He’s already here, Lieutenant!” Anderson no longer sounds proud as he responds to Joker’s comment about the Spectre. Kaidan glances at Joker with a smirk on his face as Joker just shakes his head in embarrassment. “Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing.” 

Anderson disconnects the comm link as Joker tilts his head back toward John, asking, “You get that, Commander?”

“He sounds angry,” replies John, now fully focused on the fact that they were heading into a mission where he still knew very little about. “Something must have gone wrong with the mission.” He proceeds to leave the cockpit and make his way to the comm room to meet Anderson.

As John is leaving, Joker sounds annoyed when he states, “Pff. Captain always sounds like that when he’s talking to me.”

“I can’t possibly imagine why,” Kaidan adds before returning his focus to the console in front of him, though his thoughts were still stuck on John…

John makes his way to the comm room to meet Anderson, speaking with Navigator Pressly who (after having an argument with Engineer Adams just a moment ago) adds that he doesn’t trust the fact that a turian Spectre was requested to oversee what should be a fairly routine mission. John reassures him that he’ll get to the bottom of all this (after all he was quite curious himself) and, as he walks away from the navigator, runs into Corporal Jenkins and Dr. Chakwas having a similar. Jenkins, who is originally from Eden Prime, seems to question the motives of the Spectre’s presence. He also expresses his impatience to see some ‘real’ action.

“What do you think, Commander?” asks Jenkins, saluting John as he approaches the pair. “We won’t be staying on Eden Prime too long, will we? I’m itching for some real action!” John could see Jenkins basically jumping up in excitement at the thought of getting into a battle – almost like a child being told they’re about to go to a candy shop for the first time.

“I sincerely hope you’re kidding, Corporal,” Dr. Chakwas chimes in before John has an opportunity to say anything. “Your ‘real action’ usually ends with me patching up crew members in the infirmary.” She was an elegant woman who seems to have been serving on Alliance warships for quite some time. 

“You need to calm down, Corporal,” John calmly explains, realizing that Jenkins’ excitement to server is almost a reminder of John’s own excitement at his age. “A good soldier stays cool, even under fire.”

“Sorry, Commander. But this waiting’s killing me. I’ve never been on a mission like this before. Not one with a Spectre on board!”

_And here we go again_ , John thinks to himself. _Enough with the fact that Nihlus is here!_ The conversation moves similarly to the previous conversation with Pressly, of which John finally leaves the two so he can meet with Anderson.

When John enters the comm room he sees Nihlus waiting alone. John can tell that Nihlus is an experienced soldier. His appearance matches any typical turian soldier, but there is an extra level of confidence about Nihlus that makes John feel nothing but respect for the man, even though he doesn’t believe that Nihlus is just here to observe a routine mission. 

As John approaches Nihlus, the turian turns and addresses him. “Commander Shepard. I was hoping you’d get here first. It will give us a chance to talk.”

“What about?” John asks, a little alarmed that Nihlus wants to speak with him alone.

“I’m interested in this world we’re going to – Eden Prime. I’ve heard it’s quite beautiful.”

“They say it’s a paradise.” He answers confused as he doesn’t think Nihlus wanted to see him alone to ask him about the scenery of their next mission, especially since he has never been there before…

“Yes…a paradise. Serene. Tranquil. Safe. Eden Prime has become something of a symbol for your people, hasn’t it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them. But how safe is it, really?”

That last statement pushed John a little too far. _What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_ “Do you know something?” he asks, annoyed at all the secrecy.

“You’re people are still newcomers, Shepard,” Nihlus quickly answers, suddenly in a much more serious tone. “The galaxy can be a very dangerous place. Is the Alliance truly ready for this?”

Before John can respond to Nihlus’ last comment the door opens and Captain Anderson makes his way toward the pair. “I think it’s about time we told the commander what’s really going on,” Anderson says, speaking directly to Nihlus, and apparently aware of the exact conversation that the two were just having.

Nihlus silently agrees as he turns to look directly at John. “This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run.”

John looks directly at Anderson as the tension from the previous conversation begins to release a little bit. He was a little more comfortable now that Anderson is in the room. “I figured there was something you weren’t telling us.”

“We’re making a covert pick-up on Eden Prime,” Anderson replies. “That’s why we needed the stealth systems operational.”

“There must be some reason you didn’t tell me about this, sir.” John almost sounds a little hurt in his last response. He was also getting a little pissed that the captain would keep these details from the commander when he was supposed to be one of the highest ranked officers on the ship (aside from the captain, of course).

“This comes down from the top, Commander,” Anderson reassures John. “Information strictly on a need-to-know basis.” _As if I didn’t need to know this?_ John thinks to himself.

Anderson and Nihlus continue to explain that a research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of Prothean beacon during an excavation. This is of particular interest to the council since much of the Prothean technology – the mass relays, the Citadel, ship drives – are all based on Prothean technology. For humanity this is a huge discovery – after all, it was not that many years ago when humanity first discovered the mass relays and joined the ranks of the other advanced galactic races. But since Eden Prime does not have the technology to properly research this beacon and since the discovery goes beyond mere human interests, it was decided to transport the beacon back to the Citadel.

It wasn’t until Anderson and Nihlus admitted that the Spectre was there not just for the beacon mission when John began to listen more intently. Apparently Nihlus was on board to evaluate John throughout the mission in an attempt to better acquaint himself with the commander. John was apparently a potential candidate to become the first human Spectre. And he wasn’t sure what to think about this – he was, after all, an Alliance soldier through and through.

“Guess that explains why I bump into him every time I turn around,” John states, annoyed but also happy that he is finally beginning to understand the reason the Spectre is around.

“The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time,” Anderson responds. “Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council. The Spectres represent the Council’s power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come.”

“You held off an enemy assault during the Blitz single-handed,” Nihlus states proudly, and John can sense that the turian is genuinely impressed with his service history. “You showed not only courage but also incredible skill. That’s why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres.” 

_Nihlus put my name forward himself?_ That last statement took John by complete surprise – a turian helping a human, especially after their shaky history? “Why would a turian want a human in the Spectres?” John blurts out before he can stop himself. 

“Not all turians resent humanity. Some of us see the potential of your species. We see what you have to offer to the rest of the galaxy…and to the Spectres. We are an elite group. It’s rare to find an individual with the skills we seek. I don’t care that you’re human, Shepard. I only care that you can do the job.”

“I assume this is good for the Alliance.” John looks at Anderson for his input.

“Earth needs this, Shepard. We’re counting on you.”

“I need to see your skills for myself, Commander,” Nihlus adds. “Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together.”

“You’ll be in charge of the ground team. Secure the beacon and get it onto the ship ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission.”

_I’ll be leading the ground team_ , John thought to himself. _This is it – the chance to prove that Anderson didn’t make a mistake when he chose me for his XO. This mission will be over before we can count to three…_

******

After a few more details concerning the mission are discussed (which John was happy to finally be receiving), John looks at Anderson and states, “just give the word, Captain.”

Anderson nods as he checks his datapad quickly, observing the time. “We should be getting close to Eden-”

“Captain!” Joker yells over the comm link, interrupting Anderson. “We’ve got a problem.”

“What’s wrong, Joker?”

“Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You better see this!”

“Bring it up on screen,” the captain demands as all three of them move to the screen on the far side of the room.

The captured video stream was more horrific than anyone in the room could have imagined. The video showed a field on the surface of Eden Prime – barely recognizable between the gunfire and military agents running around. Heavy smoke and clouds surrounded the areas as the camera continued to shake and move sporadically. A female officer is shown briefly, instructing the person recording the video to get down and out of sight. As another officer runs up to the camera and hurriedly explains that the colony is under a surprise attack a blast is heard and the officer is thrust off screen. The camera pans to show the fear on a few soldiers faces as they stare up into the sky. The camera then moves to show the space ship they are all staring at in fear. The ship looks like a giant squid with red electricity escaping its base. The ship can only be seen momentarily before more smoke and chaos ensues and the video turns to complete static.

“Everything cuts out after that,” Joker’s voice over the comm link breaks the silence in the room. “No comm traffic. Nothing at all. Just goes dead. There’s nothing.”

Anderson looks worried as he is lost in thought over the scene he just witnessed. “Reverse and hold at 38.5,” he finally speaks.

The video is paused to show the best glimpse of the space ship possible. From this angle it looks like a giant hand, reaching to grab as much as possible from the surface and squish whatever comes up in its fists. The fear in Anderson’s eyes is equally shared in Nihlus’.

“Status report,” Anderson asks Joker.

“Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area.”

“Take us in, Joker. Fast and quiet. This mission just got a lot more complicated.”

It was decided that a small strike team would be best suited to approach the mission now, as they could minimize any attention drawn to them and hopefully secure the beacon as quickly as possible. Anderson decided that John would lead Kaidan and Jenkins as the strike team, with Nihlus ahead of them to get a better grasp on the situation at hand. John and his team’s sole mission would be to secure the beacon at all costs.

_Well here’s that excitement Jenkins wanted – and at least I’ll get to work with Kaidan_ , he couldn’t help but smile when he thought about working with Kaidan as they made their way out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I stated before, I'm hoping to get another chapter out soon - but it may be a couple of weeks. Either way, hope you enjoyed this one! :)


	9. Eden Prime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy arrives on a battle-ridden Eden Prime with one mission in mind: extract the prothean beacon and return it to the Citadel for research. But the mission turns out to be much more difficult than it sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As earlier stated (in the previous chapter) this chapter follows the game very closely. I don't plan on following every single mission they do (main or side haha) - I will probably do pre and post mission chapters where I see fit. But up until the first Citadel appearance I feel like developing their interactions during their first mission together. Hope you enjoy!

Eden Prime was a disaster. Seeing what must have been a beautiful colony now in a fiery ruin was enough to make John feel sick to his stomach. Eden Prime truly represented humanity’s progress in colonizing across the galaxy and now it lie beneath them as it burned under an attack that was completely unexpected and too much to process. The trees that scattered the landscapes near the populated areas were covered in flames and the number of dead humans and geth was growing by the second. They needed to get to the bottom of this whole thing immediately – there wasn’t a second to lose.

Kaidan shared John’s feelings of sadness toward the planet, but he also couldn’t shake the image of Jenkins’ fear-struck face as he saw his home planet burn beneath him. Kaidan thought Jenkins was a good kid and he didn’t deserve to have his first real mission involve his home. _Maybe I should talk to him, see how he’s handling this_ , Kaidan thought as the shuttle continued to fly across to the drop off point.

But before Kaidan could open his mouth the commander asked Jenkins, “How are you holding up, Jenkins?”

“I’m all right, Commander,” Jenkins replied, but John knew he wasn’t being honest with him.

“I know this is rough for you, seeing your home colony like this,” John started as Jenkins continued to stare out the shuttle window, focusing on the disaster below. “But I need you to stay focused. We’re going to find out who did this and why, and then we’re going to make damn sure they pay for it.” John kept thinking about how terrible this mission will be now for Jenkins. He wished there was something more he could say or do to ease Jenkins pain, but right now the only thing he could do was offer some humbling words and hope that was enough.

Jenkins looked at his commander and gave a small smirk as he nodded in agreement. Kaidan just stared at John, though, and focused on the expression on his face, deep in thought as he looked out the same window Jenkins was at. Kaidan knew the commander was a personable man – he figured that out the day they met. And he didn’t say anything to Jenkins that was remarkably special in itself – he simply offered some kind words to a man who was obviously going through hell from what he was witnessing. But to see John express such honest empathy for his subordinates in more than just words (something not commonly seen in a commanding officer) was truly special. That moment made Kaidan feel something more than just lust for John, though he couldn’t quite wrap his finger around exactly what it was he was feeling…

The three were dropped off a minute or two after Nihlus was in order to let the Spectre get a head start and scope out the area. Their mission was still to get the beacon – but this time at all costs.

* * *

If only Jenkins had been more careful.

If only John had been the one to move forward first. Maybe he could’ve reacted to the geth attack quicker.

After John gestured to the squad to move forward – cautiously, of course – the geth drones came out of nowhere. They all honed in on Jenkins and the attack was too much for him to handle. John yelled toward Kaidan to attack as the two men destroyed the four drones almost instantly – but it was too late. The pair ran over to Jenkins’ immobile body as it lay on the ground, eyes still open and the blood having formed a pool around his torso. John and Kaidan both knew Jenkins was gone, but nonetheless Kaidan did a quick scan of Jenkins with his omnitool to confirm their suspicions. Kaidan’s heart sank as he then closed Jenkins’ eyes and simply said to John, “Ripped right through his shields. Never had a chance.”

John stared for a moment at Jenkins’ face, devastated to see a soldier under his command get killed in cold blood like this. He knew in the back of his mind that he couldn’t have seen those drones coming, that Jenkins wasn’t prepared yet for an intense mission like this, but that didn’t make his pain ease. Instead, he changed his glance toward Kaidan, who was looking toward his commander for direction, eyes hurt with his peer dying in front of him. John knew he had to be strong not for himself and not even for Jenkins sake, but for Kaidan.

“We’ll see that he receives a proper service once the mission is complete,” John finally said sadly, before adding more sternly, “But I need you to stay focused.”

Kaidan knew his commander was hurting but respected the man for keeping focus on the mission. “Aye, aye, sir.” He was upset over Jenkins death as well, but he fully understood that this was the price of serving in the military. He was just lucky enough to never have someone die under his command, and that was something he did not envy from the great hero of Elysium right now.

Although both men wanted nothing more than to break the silence between them, neither spoke as they continued on with their mission…

* * *

After another encounter or two with some geth drones the commander finally decided to break the silence between Kaidan and him. “So, Lieutenant, is this the type of mission you expected when you joined the Normandy?” _Cheesy question_ , he thought to himself, _but whatever – anything’s better than this silence_.

“Not exactly, sir,” Kaidan responded, happy to break the silence as well. “Although, to be honest, Commander, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect after joining the Normandy. I mean, sure, I expected to fight a bunch of batarians and criminals no matter where I was in the Alliance, but defending a human colony from geth? And having one of our own killed right in front of me?” Kaidan recalled seeing Jenkins face as he lay on the ground motionless. “No, I didn’t.”

“Yeah, me too,” John honestly agreed. It was safe to say that John’s thoughts had generally stayed on the handsome lieutenant as opposed to his expectations of the missions the Normandy would be assigned. But nonetheless when he did have a chance to think about what he expected he figured it couldn’t be more difficult than what he went through on Elysium. _But then again those batarian warlords were fairly weak…_

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, Commander, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get make sure the mission is a success,” Kaidan added, now worrying that John was beginning to think he was a whiner or incapable of getting the job done. “And working as an Alliance officer is definitely everything I expected it to be and more.”

“Relax, Lieutenant,” John reassured Kaidan as he turned his head and smiled softly at the lieutenant. “You don’t need to defend yourself to me.”

Kaidan felt warmth in the commander’s smile and immediately felt more comfortable around him, despite the disaster that was ensuing around them. He began to ask, “If you don’t mind me asking, Commander, how do-,” 

Suddenly the two heard a loud blast from just downhill from where they were walking, which immediately drew both of the men’s attention. “Hold that thought, Alenko,” John demanded as the pair began to run down the hill toward the source of the gunshots, readying for yet another battle.

* * *

As they made their way downhill toward the gunfire, they watched as a soldier ran to cover. John instantly recognized the woman from the vid he watched prior to landing on Eden Prime – she was the one who instructed the cameraman of the vid to get out of sight to avoid getting killed. After she took out the two geth drones that were targeting her everyone’s attention turned to the geth troopers that were holding a man (who was screaming for help) on top of a weird mechanism. Almost instantly the mechanism shot a spike upward about 20 feet, penetrating the man’s chest completely and instantly killing him. All three had to avert their eyes from the image of the motionless man on top of this death-trap (later nicknamed “dragon’s teeth” by Alliance marines) and immediately reacted by attacking the remaining geth troopers.

When the last geth trooper was killed John approached the woman as she introduced herself, “Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, sir?”

“Are you wounded, Williams?” John asks first, always concerned with everyone’s wellbeing before getting down to business.

“A few scrapes and burns. Nothing serious. The others weren’t so lucky.” As she said that last part she looks toward the man who was just killed by the geth spike-machine.

After she explained the situation, stated she didn’t see Nihlus (or any turian) come by, and accepted John’s request to join him and Kaidan, they followed Ashley to where the beacon was discovered.

When they approached the dig site and eliminated all enemy targets in the area, John couldn’t help but notice that there was one very important thing missing from the site: the beacon. To his surprise Ashley had no idea where it was either – he half expected her to reassure him that it was relocated from the dig site to a safer location when the geth arrived. Regardless of its whereabouts though the beacon was no longer here and John was not going to fail in his mission of securing the beacon from the geth – at all costs.

“Let’s move out then,” he instructed the other two. “If the beacon was moved then it’s probably further ahead.”

As the team moved forward Nihlus contacted John to let him know he was moving forward toward the spaceport. The three continued behind the dig site and up a hill toward a nearby camp, which was on the way to spaceport per Ashley. The camp was destroyed with the exception of a trailer or two in the rear of the camp. “Looks like they hit the camp hard,” Ashley commented as they approached the site.

“It’s a good place for an ambush,” a worried Kaidan added, keeping his pistol pointed ahead of him. “Keep your guard up.”

What caught the team by surprise, however, was a sight they couldn’t have explained if they tried. There were a few more of those huge spikes (again, nicknamed “dragon’s teeth”) that the geth had brought to impale people (the one that killed the man when John and Kaidan found Ashley). Each “dragon’s teeth” mechanism had a victim impaled yet each victim no longer looked human. It’s almost as if the victims decayed at an incredible rate as they had dark/charred skin (their bodies having been drained of all water content). They almost looked like zombies. As the team approached the scene the “dragon’s teeth” mechanisms became active as they emitted a jolt of electricity into their respective zombies/husks. Suddenly the team realized what was happening – the geth were using humans to create these mindless husks.

“Oh, god! They’re still alive!” Kaidan yelled and John immediately drew his pistol to eliminate the targets. The battle was quick as the husks are harmless from afar – a few gun shots or biotic blasts at each of them and they disintegrated into nothing but a puddle of green liquid. 

After a few seconds of silence at what just happened, Ashley finally asked, “What did the geth do to them?”

Kaidan looked at John who obviously had no clue how to answer that question. He decided to answer for the commander, “Hmm. Now we know what those spikes are for: turning our own dead against us.”

“It must take a few hours for those spikes to turn people into husks,” Kaidan added as they mustered up the courage to continue moving forward.

They ran into some survivors who tried to convince them they saw a turian before the attack, which confused John and Kaidan since Nihlus was with them on the Normandy prior to the attack. The team decided it best to move on with their search for the beacon and move closer to the spaceport to rendezvous with Nihlus.

As the left the camp they heard a loud and distinct gunshot and decided to pick up the pace. They only made it a few yards away from the camp when they saw the ship from the video (the ship that looked like a giant squid) emerging from a cloud of smoke momentarily before disappearing as it rose up into the sky. They paused in their tracks in fear. Never had anyone seen a ship like that – a ship with that sort of technology. John thought it best to keep moving in spite of any fear the team may have, and they continued their way down the rift to the nearby train station.

* * *

As they stood on the train heading to the platform where they learned the beacon was transported, John couldn’t stop thinking about what just transpired. Nihlus, a Council spectre, was dead, apparently shot by a traitor in the back named Saren, another Council spectre. Saren’s apparent ship emitted a noise that survivors said was the worst thing they heard – something more than just a jamming signal. And now they were going to meet who knows what on the other platform, though John figured they would come across Saren, waiting to finish off the three of them. _And for what?_ John thought, _A prothean beacon? What sort of information was contained in this beacon that was worth obliterating an entire human colony for?_

Kaidan leaned over the edge of the train car to gaze at the scenery (battle-torn or not it was still beautiful). John enjoyed the view as well, though he was simply staring at Kaidan’s ass as it was facing directly at John, his lips getting moist as he just kept staring. He noticed Ashley moving toward him and quickly turned his gaze outward, covering up any possible discovery by Ashley that he was having the hots for his lieutenant.

“Commander, what’s our plan when we get to the other port?” Ashley asked, curious of what type of resistance they were going to face when they arrived at their destination. She also asked in a way that make Kaidan want to punch her – it seemed like she was flirting with the commander. 

_Are you kidding me Kaidan?_ Kaidan asks himself, realizing that he just got jealous over a simple question that Ashley asked John. _Keep yourself under control before you expose yourself._ He kept leaning over the edge, staring into the scenery and pretending he wasn’t paying attention. _But man is he sexy when he’s in gear…_

John had honestly not thought about that yet, but also didn’t think he really needed to. Their plan really hasn’t been anything else other than secure the beacon at whatever cost. “Uh, kill all the geth and take back the beacon,” he plainly states, which won a chuckle from Kaidan who was pretending he wasn’t listening.

Ashley didn’t look too impressed as she crossed her arms and sarcastically said, “Well if that isn’t the best plan I’ve heard all day.”

“Alenko seemed to like that plan,” John states with a small smirk, glancing over at Kaidan who twists his head back just enough to catch the commander’s gaze. John returns his gaze to Ashley before continuing, “Look, Williams, we’re going into the unknown. The best we can do is just go in expecting the worst while hoping for the best. I’m sure they’ll be a trap for us once we arrive but that’s why we need to make sure we play it safe and that we’re fully focused on the mission.”

“Yeah, this mission hasn’t exactly turned out the way we originally planned,” Kaidan adds as he leans up and turns around to face the others, now fully acknowledging his participation in the conversation. “The commander’s right. We should go in fully focused and ready to tackle any situation the geth may have ready for us.”

“Thank you, Kaidan,” John says as he turns toward the front of the train car, eager to see how long they had left until making it to the other side.

“Yeah, thanks, suck up,” Ashley mumbles loudly enough for Kaidan to hear but not loud enough for John to hear. She shoots Kaidan a smirk though, which makes Kaidan feel like she is just teasing him. He decides to forget the situation and prepare for arrival at the upcoming port.

* * *

Only geth were encountered on the platform where the beacon was located when the three arrived. It seemed Saren had already made an escape after obtaining whatever information he required from the beacon. When all the geth were killed and the beacon was finally secured John began to radio Joker to bring the ship in to pick them up with the beacon. 

“This is amazing!” Kaidan exclaimed, while he and Ashley approached the beacon from a safe distance, which was glowing and emitting a green-tinted beam of some sort into the sky. John was facing away from them, going through his omnitool as he was finishing his conversation with Joker. “Actual working prothean technology. Unbelievable!”

“It wasn’t doing anything like that when they dug it up,” Ashley said as she began to walk back towards John. “Something must have activated it.” 

Kaidan began to slowly approach the beacon in wonder – his curiosity getting the better of him. All he could think about was the amazing technology that was this beacon. The Protheans left a slew of technology for the galaxy to benefit from – the mass effect relays for instance – but to see something so close and bare was amazing for him. Since Kaidan enjoyed working as a tech expert as well as a soldier (after all the Alliance had promoted him previously based upon his tech expertise) he figured if he could get just a little bit closer he could see what was emitting the beam – maybe something to answer some questions on the technology.

Then it all happened so quickly. The beacon lit up brightly and seemed to develop a strong gravitational force that was pulling Kaidan toward it. He tried to fight back and pull himself away but he found it useless – the force was too strong to break and he was slowly being pulled into the beacon. That’s when he felt something – a pair of strong arms just wrap around him. Someone jumped and grabbed him from behind, and before he could realize it was John behind him, the commander threw Kaidan backwards toward Ashley and was now caught in gravitational field himself. He wanted to get up and grab the commander himself – he couldn’t believe that John had just possibly sacrificed his own life for Kaidan without even second guessing himself. Before he could get up, however, Ashley held him down, preventing him from escaping her hold.

John immediately wished he had thought about this better. The only thing that crossed his mind a moment ago was that he saw Kaidan getting pulled into what could’ve been his death, and regardless of the fact that he didn’t want another soldier to die under his watch, he couldn’t fathom witnessing Kaidan’s death. Yes they were still acquaintances and he was John’s subordinate but John couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something different about Kaidan – something remarkable. Now that he saved Kaidan and is possibly about to be killed himself, though, he assumed that he’ll never find out what that remarkable sense was. When he was very close to the beacon he was levitated a few feet into the air, and he could’ve sworn he heard Kaidan yell something before his mind was racing with images the beacon was planting into his mind.

“Shepard!” Kaidan screamed as he went to jump up and run toward his commander, but was still being held back from Ashley.

“No!” She yelled at Kaidan, who was still fighting to break her hold of him. “It’s too dangerous!”

John started to see images in his mind as he continued to be levitated above the platform in front of the beacon. Too much to process at the moment but images just flew across his mind. Fire, death, synthetic creatures (not the geth though). And before he knew it everything went dark.

As John collapsed on the ground the beacon exploded and Ashley finally released Kaidan. He instantly ran to John, turning him over to see if his commander – this remarkable man who just possibly saved Kaidan’s life – was still alive. “Shepard!” Kaidan was yelling at the commander, worrying for the worst. “Shepard!”

“He’s still breathing, Alenko,” Ashley said, as she finally joined him and noticed the commander’s loose breaths.

“Joker!” Kaidan appeared to ignore Ashley as he opened a comm to the Normandy’s pilot. “Joker! Come in, dammit!”

“Kaidan, what’s your status?” Joker finally answers. “We’re not far from the platform but just saw an explosion near you guys. Where’s the commander?”

“The beacon,” Kaidan replies. “Shepard…” It takes him a few gasps of air to collect his thoughts, still racing through his mind.

“Lieutenant!” Anderson yells on the comm, apparently having joined Joker on the bridge. “Where’s the commander?”

“The beacon, sir,” Kaidan finally answers, heart still racing but his mind coming together. “It was pulling me in. Shepard threw me out of the way and got caught in its pull. It pulled him in, lifted him up, and did something to him. He’s unconscious now and the beacon, well…” he paused as he realized that they lost the beacon indefinitely to its self-destructive explosion, “the beacon exploded, sir.”

“Dammit!” Anderson wasn’t pleased to hear the news. “Grab the commander and we’ll have a crew try and grab the remains of the beacon. Let’s get the hell off this planet and back to the Citadel before anything else goes wrong. I’m going to alert Dr. Chakwas to prepare for Shepard’s arrival on board.”

“Aye, aye, sir,” Kaidan replied as he and Ashley grabbed John and made their way toward the arriving ship.

Kaidan would do anything to ensure that John would come out of this unconscious state. He wouldn’t be able to handle losing the commander because he was too damn curious for his own good. And he certainly wasn’t leaving the commander’s side until he regained consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI It will take me probably like 2 weeks to post another chapter at the earliest. :( Sometimes I wish I worked less hours, though a paycheck at the end of that 2 week period reminds me why I don't work less hours haha...


	10. Recovering from the Beacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kaidan and Ashley bring an unconscious John aboard the Normandy, nothing makes Kaidan happier than to see the commander wake up. And, of course, Kaidan and John begin to learn a little about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So most of this chapter follows the game closely (again, still setting some things up) but I really do promise to have more original stuff soon! It's also a longer chapter than usual, mostly because I didn't feel like breaking it up and also because the game story stuff I wanted to keep included just ran a little longer than expected. Either way, hope you all like it! :)

Kaidan and Ashley made their way through the cargo bay and toward the elevator, carrying John’s body, as some of the crew ran off the Normandy to grab the remains of the beacon. Kaidan’s heart was still racing after the whole debacle and the only thing capable of calming him would be John waking up. He wanted to stay with him until he woke up, hoping that his constant surveillance would aid in some way, shape, or form (even though he knew that it wouldn’t matter). At this point anything seemed worth a shot.

As they approached the elevator to take John to the med bay, Captain Anderson stepped out with Doctor Chakwas, both immediately focusing on John as they helped get him into a stretcher that was already waiting in the elevator.

“What do you think, Doctor?” asked Anderson, concern obvious from his tone of voice.

“I’ll need to examine him in the med bay, Captain,” answered Chakwas as she began to scan John with her omnitool, the elevator door closing behind her, “but I’m sure he will be fine. He seems, at first glance, to have had the wind knocked out of him. But he’s breathing normal. Though brain activity seems incredibly high. Unless I find something else through other tests there won’t be much we can do but wait.”

Kaidan’s heart sank as he stood in the back of the elevator. He continued to stare down at John as the elevator doors opened and the group began to rush toward the med bay.

“Lieutenant, do you know anything else about what happened when Shepard approached the beacon,” Anderson turned his attention toward Kaidan as they exited the elevator, though Kaidan didn’t initially respond. A few moments passed before a now annoyed Anderson repeats, “Lieutenant!?”

Kaidan immediately turned to Anderson and corrected his posture, realizing he had forgotten all formalities in light of what was happening and that he had just ignored the captain’s direct question. “Sorry, sir. I was-,” he paused for a moment, trying to not make him sound too worried before continuing, “Concerned for the commander’s well-being.” Another short pause as Kaidan carefully thought about what to say next. “I believe this whole incident is my fault, Captain.”

Anderson stopped to look directly at him, confusion written all over his face. “Maybe we should leave the doctor alone with Shepard to do her tests.” He motioned over to Kaidan’s console, which was across from the med bay. The two made their way to it, and once they were alone Anderson demanded an explanation. “Now you say this whole situation is your fault, Lieutenant?”

“I believe so, sir.”

He crossed his arms, half disappointed and half angered. “Elaborate, Alenko.” 

So Kaidan explained everything that happened – the details of the entire mission. From Jenkins’ death to meeting Ashley, to Nihlus dying and Saren believed to be the killer. He explained how he let his curiosity get the better of him, how he approached the beacon and was pulled into it by some unexplained force, how the commander saved Kaidan by instead placing himself in danger, and how the beacon eventually exploded. At the end of the interrogation Anderson needed a moment to take in everything before he responded.

“You sure Saren was involved in all this?” It was almost as if Anderson hadn’t listened to anything Kaidan said after mentioning Saren’s name.

“We believe so, sir,” Kaidan answered, slightly confused at the significance of this other turian. “That’s what the witness said, at least.”

Anderson stared away from Kaidan in deep thought for a few moments before breaking the silence between them. “Well, Lieutenant, I don’t believe there is anything you could have done to have helped Shepard. Don’t blame this on yourself, Alenko. This would have happened to anyone who got close to the beacon, and there’s no way we could have avoided it when we brought it onto the Normandy.”

Kaidan knew this was true, but it didn’t make him feel better still knowing that he was the one that triggered the beacon’s explosive reaction, that he was the reason John was unconscious as they spoke. “Understood, sir,” Kaidan finally says to Anderson.

“I’m going to check on Shepard and then I need to get in touch with Udina. You should get some rest, Alenko – that’s an order.”

“Yes, sir,” Kaidan answered as Anderson made his way back toward the med bay. 

He decided it wasn’t a bad idea to get some rest. He would be happy to get out of his gear, realizing that he was still dressed from the mission. Maybe a quick shower and a change into comfortable casuals would help him relax a bit. He went back to the crew quarters, grabbed a change of clothes, and made his way to the showers.

And it turned out that a hot shower was exactly what he needed to calm down. The second his body hit the steaming water he felt his heart slow down and return to a somewhat normal pace. He stood for a moment under the showerhead as it poured hot water over his hair and fell over his aching body. He didn’t realize how sore his muscles were after the mission – and the water was definitely helping to release the tension in all of his muscles. The steam was also helping to ease his headache as he finally noticed that the migraines from his implants were beginning to flare up. He started to massage his scalp with some shampoo, hoping to massage out the migraine before it really kicked in strong; however, the migraine was already present and there wasn’t much he could do now but wait it off. _I’ll ask Dr. Chakwas for some painkillers right after the shower,_ he thought, remembering now that John could still be unconscious in the med bay and this would be the perfect excuse to check in on things.

After finishing the shower and putting on a clean set of clothes he made his way toward the med bay, grabbing a power bar from the cabinet in the mess before entering the med bay. Unsurprisingly John was still unconscious on one of the beds while Dr. Chakwas was going through her datapad as she sat across from the commander.

“Dr. Chakwas, how’s the commander?” Kaidan asked as he made his way over to the pair.

“He’s doing fine, Lieutenant,” Chakwas responded, barely looking up from her datapad. “He just needs some rest now.”

Kaidan felt relieved at her confidence in his health. “Glad to hear it,” he added.

“Is there something I can help _you_ with, Lieutenant?” the doctor asks, finally looking up from her datapad to give Kaidan her full attention.

Kaidan almost forgot about his migraines, though now that he wasn’t asking about John he felt the full effects of the migraines. “Actually, I was hoping you might have some of those painkillers you mentioned to me a few days ago. My implants are flaring up again and I have a nasty migraine.”

“Of course, Lieutenant.” Chakwas went over to her supply cabinet, leaving Kaidan to just stare at John resting on the bed. It killed him to see the strong, muscular man he admired so much lay so helplessly on the bed in front of him… 

The doctor must have noticed Kaidan staring intently at John on her way back over to the pair, handing Kaidan the pain killers and a glass of water. “You know, Lieutenant, I have quite a few reports to complete, plus some test results of the commander’s to go through. I could use an extra hand up here to keep me posted on any changes with the commander.”

Kaidan immediately took the pills she handed to him. The doctor began to walk over to her desk, probably to start on those reports she was talking about. Kaidan finally responded, “I’m off duty until we get back to the Citadel, Doctor.” He figured that she was probably doing this as a favor, that she must have saw that dumb look in his eyes as he watched John. But he didn’t care. “I can definitely give you a hand. Can’t help shake the feeling that this was all my fault anyway.”

The doctor immediately stopped what she was doing to look over at Kaidan. “I wouldn’t blame yourself, Lieutenant. These things happen.” She then went back to what she was working on, almost as if her statement was just a small pause to the important work she was doing.

“I understand, Doctor.” He sat down in the chair next to John’s bed, only an hour or so after the incident on Eden Prime. And all he could do now was wait.

* * *

“Doctor!? Doctor Chakwas!? I think he’s waking up!”

Kaidan couldn’t be more excited to see the commander slowly getting up, knowing for certain now that he wasn’t in a vegetative state. By this point he was standing near the commander’s bed, after sitting for so long by his side, anxiously waiting of John to wake up. 

John slowly sat up as he regained consciousness, rubbing his temple repeatedly. He had a splitting headache and felt dizzy from his unexpected sleep, but was more curious about what was going on and where he was. It took him a moment before he realized he was in the medical bay of the Normandy, with Kaidan standing across from him, looking as handsome as ever. _Hey handsome – I can get used to waking up to that face,_ he instantly thought but was glad he didn’t say aloud, especially as he saw Dr. Chakwas walking toward him. He turned to sit on the bed with his legs hanging off the side, Kaidan now somewhere behind him as the doctor made her way in front of the commander.

“You had us worried there, Shepard,” she said with a sly smile on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“Minor throbbing,” he lied, as his head was pounding from whatever just happened to him. “Nothing serious. How long was I out?”

“About fifteen hours.” _Nothing serious!?_ John couldn’t believe he was unconscious for that long. He also couldn’t believe how calm the doctor sounded about the whole ordeal, as if he was waking up from something as silly as having passed out drunk the night before. “Something happened down there with the beacon, I think.” He suddenly remembered the beacon, the mission, the vision he saw…

“It’s my fault,” Kaidan eagerly admitted from behind Shepard, sounding embarrassed at the same time. “I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way.” The last sentence made Kaidan just look down in full shame as he thought about John’s strong arms around him, throwing him out of harm’s way – saving him from his own stupidity.

John could hear the embarrassment in Kaidan’s tone and wanted nothing more than to turn around and hug Kaidan as he said, “You had no way to know what would happen.” Kaidan looked up at John, who was still looking away from him (as he rubbed his head some more), and he began to smile slightly, realizing the commander wasn’t mad at him for the incident. _The hero of Elysium is really much more than I could’ve imagined,_ he thought.

“Actually, we don’t even know if that’s what set it off,” the doctor stated plainly. “Unfortunately, we’ll never get the chance to find out.” 

Kaidan finally made his way to John’s front as he began to explain what happened after John’s encounter with the beacon. “The beacon exploded. A system overload, maybe.” John stared right into Kaidan’s eyes, those gorgeous blue eyes returning the gaze as Kaidan continued. “The blast knocked you out cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship.”

“I appreciate it,” John said, still looking Kaidan directly in the eyes. Kaidan just smiled a little wider as he nodded, before the doctor interrupted their moment of awkward silence again.

“Physically, you’re fine. But I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming.”

“I saw…” he began to respond, trying to reconcile the images in his head right before he blacked out. Flashes of red, creatures burning, synthetic insects or something…“I’m not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing’s really clear.”

“Hmmm…” Chakwas thought for a moment before continuing, “I better add this to my report. It may-” she was cut off when the door opened and footsteps were heard coming into the room. “Oh, Captain Anderson.”

“How’s our XO holding up, Doctor?” He asked.

“All the readings look normal. I’d say the commander’s going to be fine.” She patted John on the back as she walked over to her desk to write down some notes.

“Glad to hear it,” Anderson said as he moved his glance toward John. “Shepard, I need to speak with you – in private.” He immediately moved his face toward Kaidan, who, to John’s happy surprise, was still in the room, just staring at John thoughtfully.

Kaidan immediately took the hint from Anderson. “Aye, aye, Captain,” he said while saluting the captain. He turned his face toward John and when they locked eyes a faint smile returned to Kaidan’s face. “I’ll be in the mess if you need me.” He then left the room, prompting Anderson to continue his conversation with John.

“Sounds like that beacon hit you pretty hard, Commander. You sure you’re okay?” John can tell that Anderson isn’t asking as his captain – he’s asking as a friend.

John was still feeling weak from the experience, but something else was on mind. “I don’t like soldiers dying under my command.” John can’t get the image of Jenkins lying dead on the ground out of his head – John unable to save him.

“Jenkins wasn’t your fault,” Anderson tries to reassure John. “You did a good job, Shepard.”

And that was that – there was no more discussion on Jenkins. John would later find out they picked up his body to return to his family, with a full commendation on having died in battle. But who would’ve thought that Jenkins would be the first death in this new war – a war which was only beginning.

Anderson discussed much with John, primarily that Williams would be joining the crew to help with the effort (with thanks owed to Kaidan, who vouched for her credibility first hand). Then Anderson started to get into details that warranted his private conversation with the commander.

“I won’t lie to you, Shepard. Things look bad,” Anderson states, with a serious yet concerned expression on his face. “Nihlus is dead. The beacon was destroyed and geth are invading. The Council’s going to want answers.”

John suddenly feels like he is on the defensive – how could Anderson think this was John’s fault? “I didn’t do anything wrong, Captain. Hopefully, the Council can see that.”

Anderson slowly turns to walk toward the other side of the room. “I’ll stand behind you and your report, Shepard. You’re a damned hero in my books. That’s not why I’m here. It’s Saren, that other turian. Saren’s a Spectre, one of the best. A living legend. But if he’s working with the geth, it means he’s gone rogue. A rogue Spectre’s trouble. Saren’s dangerous. And he hates humans.”

“Why?” John curiously asks.

“He thinks we’re growing too fast, taking over the galaxy. A lot of aliens think that way. Most of them don’t do anything about it. But Saren has allied himself with the geth. I don’t know how, I don’t know why. I only know it had something to do with that beacon.” Anderson suddenly looks directly at John as he continues. “You were there just before the beacon self-destructed. Did you see anything? Any clue that might tell us what Saren was after?”

John had to stop for a moment to remember the chain events again. Everything happened so fast and his mind was still throbbing from the experience of it all. He explained to Anderson everything that he remembered – synthetics of some form slaughtering people, butchering them. Anderson decided it was of upmost important to report this immediately to the Council, hoping for some answers from them.

“I’ll contact the ambassador and see if he can get us an audience with the Council,” Anderson tells John. “He’ll want to see us as soon as we reach the Citadel. We should be getting close. Head up to the bridge and tell Joker to bring us in to the dock.” Anderson takes his leave and John is left to gather his strength and finally stand up, which wasn’t as bad as he thought after being off his feet for 15 hours straight.

As John leaves the med bay to make his way to Joker he notices that Kaidan is standing right outside the door, by the mess table. He remembered that Kaidan had mentioned he’d be in the mess, but that was at least 20 minutes ago. _Has he really been waiting for me this whole time?_ John wouldn’t have believed it had it not been for Kaidan fidgeting with a datapad in his hand, obviously nervous about something, which became more evident when he dropped the datapad. Lucky for John Kaidan was facing away from him, so John got the perfect view of Kaidan’s ass as he bent over to pick up the datapad. As John grinned and made his way toward the lieutenant (fully enjoying the view in front of him) Kaidan stood up, turned around, and addressed the commander.

“Commander, I’m glad to see you’re ok,” Kaidan began, still feeling guilt over the whole incident. “Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew…” he pauses for a moment, his face like a sad puppy as he stared at the floor in front of John, “and…” he takes a breath and pauses for another short moment, then picks his head up to look directly at John, “I’m glad we didn’t lose you too.” 

John could tell the lieutenant was pushing himself to say what he just said, though he figured it was because he still blamed himself for John’s beacon incident. “Things were pretty rough down there,” John replies, still looking intently at Kaidan to see how the lieutenant was handling everything, thinking in particular about Jenkins’ death.

“Yeah, you never get used to seeing dead civilians. It doesn’t seem right somehow.” Kaidan decides to try and change the tone of the conversation – he doesn’t want to seem like he focuses soley on the negativity, like a whiner, in front of John. “But at least you stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” John responds honestly.

“We’re marines. We stick together. And I’m just sorry that we lost Jenkins…” _There you go again,_ Kaidan thought after mentioning Jenkins’ death, again focusing on the negativity.

“Yeah…I wish I could’ve done something to save him,” John is reminded again of Jenkins’ being shot at, helplessly being wobbled back and forth as the bullets pierced his armor and killed him instantly. He really wishes it was himself standing there instead of Jenkins – Jenkins was too young to have been killed so viciously…

“I was there – you did everything right! It was just bad luck,” Kaidan tries to reassure his commander, now worried he upset him. He decides to change the subject again, hoping to reconnect with John. “It’s been a hell of a shakedown cruise. Our first mission ends with one Spectre killing another. The Citadel Council’s not gonna be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions out of the Alliance.”

John was surprised by how well Kaidan seems to understand the politics of the mission’s outcome. “You’ve got a good grasp on the situation. You a career man?” He hopes that Kaidan will open up some more, eager for the lieutenant to give him some background on himself.

“Yeah, a lot of biotics are. We’re not restricted but we sure don’t go undocumented. May as well get a paycheck for it. Besides my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted…eventually.” Kaidan realized that last part just slipped out before he could even stop it. It’s not that he was necessarily ashamed of his past. He just didn’t want the commander to judge him based on it, so he decided to move the conversation forward. “But is that why you’re here? Because of your family?”

John didn’t expect to be asked about his family – he was almost always the one asking the questions. Was Kaidan really interested in learning about him, or just being polite? Being an orphan he responded almost automatically, though, “I never met my parents. If they wanted to see me they would’ve contacted me after that mess a few years back.”

Kaidan paused for a moment as he tried to recognize what the commander was talking about. He also worried he opened up a can of worms that the commander may not have wanted to discuss.

All that could come to mind, of course, was how mystic those blue eyes entranced him and pulled his full attention into that beautiful face, which is carved to perfection…then, he suddenly remembered. “Oh, that’s right – the Blitz! I imagine that bought you any post in the fleet?” Realizing that might have sounded a bit immature (like he was implying the commander used his hero status to earn his right as XO aboard the Normandy), Kaidan quickly asked, “Word is we’re heading for the Citadel?”

John was pleased the conversation as moving forward from his time at the Blitz – if there was one thing he hated most it was having to deal with the fame that was brought on from his one mission that made the front papers, so to speak. And boy did everyone aboard this ship just love bringing up the Elysium stunt. “The Captain hopes the ambassador can get an audience with the Council. Tell them what Saren’s been up to.”

“Makes sense. They’d probably like to know he’s not working for them anymore.” Hoping he didn’t make himself into too much of a fool and realizing the ship must be approaching the Citadel any minute, Kaidan decides to pull away from the conversation. For him it was his method to leave a way out, pull back from a possible connection that scared him, even though he was fully interested in John. “Whatever happens, we’ll be ready, Commander.”

John simply nods and continues to make his way toward the cockpit, leaving Kaidan in the mess hall. _I hope I didn’t come off as an arrogant jackass,_ is the first and only thought that comes to John as the Normandy prepares to approach the Citadel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With more and more hectic stuff thrown at me at work each week, my chapters will continue to be published at increasingly slower paces most likely...sorry in advance for that! ;) But more chapters will definitely be coming!

**Author's Note:**

> More to come soon!


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